you're a mystery yourself

Thursday, June 30, 2005

8:57 PM

i feel like i'm freakin busy wif work rite now dat i got no time for other things or ppl. Which is true la. Dis week mostly i'm in afternoon shift and by e time i go home, i'll be so tired n jus fall asleep. Den e next day, it'll jus gonna be e same cycle.

But all dat gonna change. Tmr my last freakin day of work. Woohoo.
I so cant wait for it. AFter tmr, it means dat i have completed 7 weeks of attachment.
Time does flies very fast. Just 7 weeks ago, i was thinkin how e hell am i suppose to get thru wif it but i managed it. -proud smiles-
I should reward myself by going on a shoppin spree.
Wait, i'm already broke. damn.

i'm so fcukin lazy to update more stuff and it seems my brain cant function properly due to lack of chocolate fudge cake and oh yeah, oxygen.

&the beauty.

9:35 PM

I cant believe dat i had to wake up so early in e mornin eventho i'm not workin. I woke up ard 7 plus which is considered quite late since i'm supposed to meet ppl at changi village ard 8.3o. We were supposed to go to Ubin. Its been such a freakindrama-kinda-funny-but-weird day. Haha.

When i went out of e house ard 8 plus, nad called say she super sick. Being the concern and caring fren (Really.) , i quickly took a cab and fetched her from her house. And in case u're wondering how come i got e money to pay for it, its bcoz today pay day. Woohoo. Anyway, after fetching nad (she does look sick), we went to Changi Village to meet the rest: edd, remy, raudhah, izz, mel, e bro n his gf n also short.

Dis is like e 2nd time i go to ubin after such a freaking long time. But it still looks e same. Anyway, we rented e bicycles and started cycling to a day wif many mishaps. It rained heavily and we had to find shelter. But of coz, wif izz there, even takin shelter also must take pics. Its a must. Haha.. but it was fun posing.

e most eventful thing:
I couldnt cycle up e slope (fweakin weak) so i had to get off e bike and pushed it all e way up. I was jus walkin beside remy when i glanced behind me and saw a dog chasing after us (or i thot it was). i felt a sense of chaos comin over me. Which makes me start going ballistic and screamin. i try runnin while pushin e bicycle up but to no avail. So i got on e bike and rode off. Its such an amazement how i could find e energy durin my panicky moments. But e dog jus ran pass me. Wad da hell. All those bimboticness for nothing. Remy was laughin like hell and she was wheezin, laughin, breathin, pushin e bike at e same time. HAha.. she could still laugh durin her asthmatic moments.. =P

e 2nd most eventful thing:
My lil bitch had a bike accident. As simple as dat. She scrape her knees, arm, forehead. Cuts. Bruises. Blood. Den everybody went back to jetty.

We went back to e jetty, den went to eat.. eventho cycle only for awhile, i took a cab, send edd home, den went home to sleep.
Overall, it has been an adventure. I guess. Not to mention muddy.

&the beauty.

10:47 PM

Whee. one more freakin week left to go den i'll be done wif dis attachment. Cant wait to go back to skool n slack. Woohoo.

fuckerneneh. i've jus realise dat my hands are covered wif rashes especially btwn e fingers. Damn, i think i'm allergic to rubber latex gloves. Now nobody wanna hold hands wif me. -pouts-

i've been thinkin abt stuff lately. Which is such an amazement since all i've been doing nowadays are workin, getting tired and being fat.

Recently, someone told me wad she thinks of me. She said dat i seem like a confident girl who's strong and not afraid of lettin emotions get the better of me. She said she likes me becoz of my unrestrictive nature and dat i'm always freakin cheerful. She asked me whether i was hiding behind my cheerful facade. Dat made me stop and think. Am i?

i'm not who u think i am. Till now, i still couldnt find myself.

But one thing i know for sure, i am confident. =P
One has to be confident in order to succeed in every aspect of life.

&the beauty.

10:45 PM

i'm so fuckin tired nowadays. Its been work, work and more work. I could feel my arms hardenin, formin into muscles. Seriously. Those stroke patients are so heavy. My back, arms and shoulders are all hurtin. Cant wait to go back to skool. But after lookin at e stupid timetable, it made me think twice and even thrice. Haiz.

AFter work, had to went back home. After dat i met nad, rif, edd, her cousin and Ad. Jus lepak at coffeebean n crappin like usual. Met liyana and rendy too.

Nowadays i dun feel like doing anythin much. Maybe its coz, 1) i'm tired, 2) i'm broke and 3) i'm seriusly fuckin broke. Wad da hell. Cant wait to get my pay dis sat. Every month around dis time, i'll be eagerly makin shoppin list of wad to buy but never once did i follow it. Its gonna be e same thing dis month.

Well, wateva it is, i'm still gonna go shoppin. Whee!

&the beauty.

11:05 AM

Yest, i went to meet zul. E last time i went out wif a guy was 4 years ago. Haha. Wad da hell.Went to follow him buy his shoes since he got his pay. Damn it. Cant believe dat i was so quiet when i'm wif him. We jus sat at starbux to chill, and he's e one dat keeps on talkin which is kinda refreshing since whenever i go out wif people, its always me who had to talk. BUt i wasnt even talkin much wif him and its shockin! *gasp* haha.. dang, i'm losin my touch.

We even played pool together and he gave me lot of chances and even let me win a game. *bows down to the Master of Pool* Overall, it was great crappin wif him and i'm so fallin for his smell. Wads wif me and smellin ppl's shirts?? *ponders*

oh i'm so fuckin bored. Ad, hurry up n come back.

Plain Jane signing out. =P

&the beauty.

9:59 PM

I dunno wad da hell am i feelin. WHy do i feel sad/down/angry/pissed/happy all at e same time?! oklah i admit I am exaggeratin but why e fuckin shit am i being so emotional?

I think abt wad we used to be.
those days when we spend our time together.
E places where our memories were.
e words dat we used to say.
E stories that we used to share.
E love dat we felt.

But its all over now. Jus like dat.
And i wonder sometimes where did we go wrong.
Is it becoz we're driftin apart?
Is it becoz e love wasn't there anymore?
Is it becoz of someone else?
There's too many excuses and reasons but
we still dunno for sure.

I dun wan u to go on waitin for me.
I dun wan to make promises which i cant keep.
I admit dat i'm happy wif my life rite now.
I am not going away coz i have someone else or watsoever.
Coz i dun even have one.
So dun assume.
I dun ever wanna lose you but i gotta be strong and let you go.

I love you last time.
I love you now.
And i'll always love you.

Your impact in my life was the greatest.

&the beauty.

10:15 PM

oh fuckerneneh. i miss Ad like crazy. Why must she go off ??! Now i'm like thinkin wad da hell she's doing there n whether she is thinkin of me? hmm. Like real.

Yesterday i met her at east point before i go work. Supposedly to meet her at 10.30am but of coz she's the tardy queen. She could even said i look like a nun in my long nurse uniform.. Fuckerneneh. After dat we had our lunch at Banquet..

Ad's so fuckin sweet. I cant deny dat. First, She loaned me a few books to get me thru e week without her. She treat me to lunch. She even gave me a cheque for 100 million bucks! A real one! haha.. dat cheque made me smile like hell. Till now, i cant stop smilin when i think of it.. Well darlin, i'm surely gonna buy dat ferrari and dat penthouse. And you know i was going to miss you when u go off, so u gave me ur shirt wif ur smell and whenever i smell it, i get reminded of u. You jus know how to pamper a girl. Even when i'm at work, i kept smilin and being super active.

After work, went home den waited till she reach home around 3am. I cant believe i did dat knowing dat I NEED sleep. She was so suprised dat i waited up but at least i got to talk to her for an hour before she go off around 4 plus. I slept around 5 plus. Oh my poor eyebag eyes.

She told me to read a book called summer sisters coz inside the book, there's dis paragraph which she dedicates it to me.. it took me three hours to read and i only found it dis mornin.
The paragraph :

"From that night on, nothing else mattered. She counted the minutes until she could be with him, said his name a hundred times a day, smiled to herself just thinking about him. Every love song spoke directly to her. She could work all day and still stay up half the night making love. When she was with him, time stood still. Every cliche she heard about love, made complete sense."

When i read dat, i was speechless. Damn Ad, u're fuckin creative. Ana Uhibbuk. =P

gotta go smell her shirt.

&the beauty.

2:20 PM

i feel like there's something missin in my life.
But i still not sure wad is it.
Is it the love? A relationship? An unlived life?

I feel like doing something wif my life.

I wan to be fuckin successful. Happy in my life and career.

I wan to be flooded wif activities, happiness and a sense of direction.

Till then, i'm so freakin incomplete.

Nobody knows what life may bring
It might make you happy, it might make you sad
But i know there's a reason for everything.
If i could turn back time, i would neva change a single thing,
Coz i know it made me who i am.

Peace out.

&the beauty.

9:22 PM

I dunno why e hell nowadays, whenever i feel like blogging, nothing came into my head. SOmehow, i'm jus dumbfounded. There's so many stuff i wanna share but its feels as though i cant say it all out. Well..... let me try opening up.

hmm. wad happened today?

Woke up bright and early. Bought flowers n gifts for mali. As usual, nad was late. I cant believe how fuckin lazy i am. To go to tamp mall, which is 10 mins walkin distance from my house n i took a freakin cab. No wonder, i'm like dis. After dat met Nad den we took a cab to city hall. I repeat again, No wonder, i'm like dis.

Met Liza, edd n remy at city hall. We went to eat at fish n co at suntec. Cant believe they planned to go Hard Rock without me. -pouts- but its not as though i can go in, rite? Whatever.

AFter dat, Ad came den we jus chill at town. Playing cards. Smoke lucky strike. yucks.

i cant believe i sweat like hell. oh my freakin assholic skin. wassup wif my skin???

damn. i'm gonna cut off my hair.

&the beauty.

10:59 PM

Dun look no farther,

Baby i'm back here.

I'm here to cater to you.

I'll be your lover,

I'll be your best fren

Tell me wad i gotta do..

&the beauty.

10:39 PM

Its been a friggin long time since i update. Well, i'm jus too lazy.

Last wed, went to sentosa wif nad, remy, havoc, fis, edd, ferri n izz.
It was great fun wif all those
street soccer, swimmin, eatin, drinkin, crappin etc.
It seems as though all i do nowadays is to go to e beach.
Wad da hell?!
i'm.so.freakin.burnt.Damn.

I'm so bored n lazy.
Jus keep piling fats onto my body.
I cant wait to go back to work nxt week,
yet i'm also dreadin it.
Being paradoxical is so me.

I'm so sorry i was harsh wif you. U should clarify wif me.

&the beauty.

2:45 PM

You've hurt me wif your actions.
You've hurt me wif your words.
And now,
You're saying you mean nothing to me.
Think whatever you wan.
I wont explain why i'm doing this to you
I gotta be strong for the both of us.

One day, you'll know why.

&the beauty.

1:23 PM

Went out wif her yesterday. I thot i was late but she was even later.
Went to sentosa n met maliza, rosli n his frens since we came so fuckin late.
Jus swam, smoke, chill around.
Left sentosa around 3 plus n jus spend my time wif her.

well, so far it was a great fuckin day. Hopin to spend more rendezvous
time wif you. Haha. *grins*

&the beauty.