you're a mystery yourself

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

2:22 PM

Its raining so heavily here. I'm cooped up in my new-but-cramped room, in the dark. Thunder and lightning are flashing once in a while, scaring the shit out of me. I cant even see the trees or the block of flats facing my window. Dats how bad the rain is.

I'm feeling as though the darkness is freaking trying to smother me to death. Ergh. Oh how i hate myself rite now. Seriously, financial problems are burdens. You wont be able to rest in peace until all your debts have been solved. Obviously, mine are still hanging that's why i'm in this freaking situation.

"Sorry, i guess i've expected too much from you." Those are the words that came out of your mouth. Maybe you do expect too much from me. I tried giving you everything i could. I tried my best trying to cope with everything that was thrown at me. And yet, it still wasnt enough for you. I'm at my wits end. I couldnt think of anything else. Dont know what else to do. You taught me lessons. Ways how to comfort you, rules on how not to make you angry etc. I bite my tongue every single time we fight, hoping that anger wont take over me, hoping that i wouldnt say anything wrong to provoke you. And yet you say i didnt make any effort to learn or to change. That I didnt treat you good. I threw my ego away for you. My dignity in shreds every single time you scold me. I couldnt even say anything to defend myself, coz in the end i'm still going to be the one at fault. I feel so small, like i'm jus nothing but a piece of vermin that you step on. My heart hurt so badly. It has been scarred and not even you could heal the wound. And yet you wouldnt let me leave. But you keep saying that i'm the one hurting you. I love you too much, that's why i'm doing whatever i can to salvage our r/s and yet you think its not enough. Sometimes i wish you would let me leave. I would rather leave in dignity instead of having my dignity shred into pieces.

There's a fine line between love and hate.

&the beauty.

Shaf. 31july.

I love the smell of rain and the feel of green grass

Nad
jaycee
fieza
Farah
link
link

designer joy.deprived
fonts&brushes x x x
images x
image hosting x
software
Adobe Photoshop CS3, Macromedia Dreamweaver 8.0

- please keep the credits AS THEY ARE :] thankyou.