you're a mystery yourself
Its hard trying to enjoy your holidays when you know that there's still impt stuff hanging clouds over your head and trying to bring you down. For eg. supp papers. Its still not over yet.
Complacent. That is the word. The root of all evil. Sigh.
I'm trying desperately to motivate myself to study. Where's ad when you need her?
&the beauty.
Its been hell of a week.
Again so many things to write but so little time. How i wish i could just empty my memories in my brain and store it inside the comp.
A week of attachment at KK has passed me by with a whoosh. Even though there's nothing much to do at the ward, it still passes by fast. Due to busy planning for shopping trip, sentosa thingy etc. Babies are bundles of joy. They are so freaking cute. Even their baby poo and vomit seems cute. When i hold a newborn in my arms, i just feel like being pregnant and having a baby with her. Oh so wonderful. Being at KK makes me and nad so hungry. It seems as thought we are absorbing the pregnancy vibes in the ward, not to mention their appetites. Every single break, we will eat a complete meal with dessert. That is so scary.
Finally. The four of us went to sentosa yesterday. The trip had been planned for so many weeks and finally we still managed to go. It was great. Sun. Sea. Food. Coke. Bodyboard. Soccer. Ultimate fun. Swimming. Tanning. Crapping. Wrestling. All done with my loved ones. I couldnt ask for more. After sentosa, went to cityhall to sell a digicam coz she found one in the bus. Aint it lucky. The day was even more complete when she bought me an adidas bag and girl boxers with the money she got from selling the cam!! Woohoo. Its so freaking nice that i just feel like wearing it and showing it off to everybody but that would be a disaster.
I cant explaing how happy i am with her. Its been a blast. I know we had some arguements but nothing else matters except for you. Thanks for the card and the sweet words. ANd also the presents. But mostly, thanks for giving me the chance to be with you.
&the beauty.
Times like this are when memories just flashed in your minds.
Remember how we sat in the mrt, with the bouquet of flowers in my arm, pretending it was our baby. How we were discussing ways to carry it. We were blissful being a family.
Remember how during my clumsical moments, you laugh at me first then you'll help me.
How we were racing through little India to get ur sis prezzie. How we sat at boat quay to talk. That time when we were searching for cab like mad to get to p.S. How i whine like crazy just to get roses from you. The spraying of perfume onto shoes so i can smell you. There are lots of memories that i cant even list out and even if i can, i would be crying like hell just thinking about it.All those memories consist of my happiness when i'm with you. All the dreams and hopes. All seems to fall apart and it hurts knowing that you had to force yourself to love me. Yes i admit i am selfish.
Life seems to make fun of us. To make us lose the ones that we love. No matter how hard we tried, we cant seem to recreate the moments that we had.
i'll.treasure.every.moments.
There's.just.no.one.else.like.you.
&the beauty.
Two weeks have gone by just with a snap of my fingers. Starting attachment at KK tmr and it sucks having to wake up early and take MRT to work when all this while i've been walking to changi. I'm not even sure whether i can wake up. Looks like i'll have to splurge money on cabs again. Sigh.
Things sucks big time. There are no more external factors threatening to break us apart but yet this have to happen. It took lots of sacrifice, tears and heartache just to be here with you. We have gone through a lot and i'm not, may i repeat that I'm not, going to let it go to waste. Things are going to be better. We are going to get through this obstacle. Love you always.
Look how time flies. Look how two lovebirds could drift apart. Just like me and you.
*You and me. We used to be together, everyday together always. I really feel that i'm losing my best friends. I cant believe this could be the end. It looks as though you're letting go and if its true, i dont want to know."
Dont speak- no doubt.
&the beauty.
I had a blast working with nad at the ward.
We just keep on doing crazy stuffs together. Signing in for each other when we're late. Sneaking out to buy food and drinks. Crapping in the toilet. Laughing over stupid matters. Beating up bed 16. Helping each other out. No matter how many times we fight, we will still be okay in the end. We'll just end up forgetting that we're suppose to be mad at each other. How crappy is that. Very.
i miss her like hell.
&the beauty.
Its the Little Little things.
Sometimes we dont have to say words to let others know how we feel. Just a touch, a smile or even a nod could work wonders and convey your message.
You held my hand and squeeze it when i got tense, a sign that you were there with me. You smile at me and it would make me feel better knowing that i have you by my side. The way you do little little things like buying for me chocs or roses, and even up to the extent of reminding me when my favourite show coming up. That shows how much you think of me. Its the way you hold my hand when we walk, protecting me, shielding me from any injury or hurt. You would rather walk by the roadside to shield me from the rush of the oncoming vehicles. [Probably knowing that i'm too clumsy.] That shows how much you care. And if i were to type down all the little little things you do, I would still be typing away till tmr. You said that you're not good with words, that you cant explain how much you love me. Well dear, you dont have to explain coz i know.
In the end, its the little little things that matters.
&the beauty.
My world's a blurred vision.
At this moment, i'm squinting at my comp trying to figure out what i've been typing on msn, reading people's blog all thanks to my contact lens which are so overdue. Its not that i'm too stingy to buy a new one but its just that i do NOT have the time. I am so the busy woman. Nowadays its all about attachment which takes up most of my time. I dont even get to meet her often and that saddens me the most. Well at least i met her just now and it takes the missing away for the moment, even tho i didnt get to spend quality time with her. I finally got to meet afni and i could get along with her. Ultra coolness.
I just dont seem to get enough sleep nowadays. I've been waking up so late every morning to work and i could jus take my time. Thanks to nad for signing in for me every morning. She's the one early for a change.
*I blushed as you stare at me, looking into my eyes. My heart pounds faster. Adrenalin coursing through my body. I tremble at your slightest touch. And i just cant wait till you wrap your arms around me, whisper that you love me. Kiss me so you dont miss me. I love you.*
&the beauty.
My energy all got drained.
My weekend were full of activities. Firstly on Sat morning, i was greeted by my mom rampaging about how irritating us kids are and that we are useless in household chores. I beg to differ. My brother is useless and irritating, but definitely not me. Went out jalan raya with her and her friends. Ohmygod. I couldnt recognise her till she stood in front of me. ANd the only thing i could do was just stare with my mouth hanging open, and then burst out laughing. Mind you, i'm not laughing because she look funny but because she look so different.. so feminine and demure, unlike her usual self. Haha. Oh hunz, we are so versatile and i know for sure, no matter who u are or how u look like, i'm still here with you.
I went home first after the raya outing to change clothes as i was meeting the bitches in town that night. She picked me up at tamp and we head on to town after buying the gifts. I made her buy for me a white rose. Haha.. Thanks darl for layaning my desires. Eat at Sakura with her, remy, nad, liza and rosli. Celebrate lilbitch birthday. Things got a bit hectic afterwards when we couldnt decide where to go next. In the end, went to hrc. The three of us had a group hug at countdown, wait, actually we had a lot of group hugs on account that all our watches have different timing. I had a great time. Too bad i had to leave early.
Happy birthday, Lilbitch, oops, i meant Whinybitch.
Things are going so well for me and her, just a bit of glitches in our r/s. I am contented with how things turn out. I just hope that we will be able to overcome the future obstacles which will surely come our way. No matter what happen, i know for sure that we love each other.
&the beauty.
A week of attachment flew by me just like that. Its been full of stressing, working, crapping and definitely gushing. There's so many eventful things that happen during my attachment but i wont bother to elaborate further. I've been fighting with nad every single time during attachment [we felt like beating each other up] and seriously i put the blame onto the working environment and of coz nad's irritating too. hee. But in e end, we always forgot that we're suppose to be fighting. But on the other hand, i do seem to be fighting with everybody else. Like Liza, dee etc. ANd they complained i'm having mood swings. Wad is wrong with me? It must be my hormones. [Dun bother checking my adam's apple, nad.]
Cant wait to go out hari raya outing wif her. Felt like we're married. Meeting peeps tmr to celebrate nad's finally 18th bday. Shall update more tmr.
Three more weeks to go.
&the beauty.
*wriggle wiggle*
My toes are killing me.I'm trying to wriggle my toes to get sensation back into my toes, but i dont think it helps much. I've been on my feet all the time, in my fuckin black shoes with heels, during my attachment. I havent got the time to buy a new shoe and now i'm regretting it. Because of my laziness, my toes had to suffer the consequences. Oh God bless them tiny ones. They are jus so red and full of blisters, oozing of waterlike thingy. ANd I did something unprofessional today. When i was walking back home, i couldnt stand the pain any longer so i took off my shoes and walked barefooted home. Amidst the puzzled looks and stares. And yes, it was worth it.
[No words can describe how much i need her in my life]
&the beauty.
I'm sleepy yet i cant sleep. I'm tired yet i feel like i should be doing smtg. I dont know why i feel so restless as though something is missing. I cried just now. And it felt so good to let it out. Thanks to her for listening to me.
I'm better off being a loner. Seriously i am. I know i'll be able to detach myself from the world, and do my own stuff if the need arises. But i dont want to. Because i thrive on feelings. On love. On trust. On family. On friends. Especially her.
I'm sorry. Sorry the cockroach didnt give u the uniform.
&the beauty.
The first day of the attachment for this month. It was okay though. Me and nad got thru it with lots of planning, laughter, lameness. Nad said that i have more male chromosomes. Uhuh. I so dont have it okay! And stop drawing on my arm. Sheesh.
The moment that i waited for has finally arrived. I finally got to meet her after 1 hectic week. When i saw her from afar, i couldnt help but smile. I just kept smiling like a stupid fool. And when she literally sweep me off my feet and hug me, thats when all the love and missing her overwhelmed me. We went to makansutra at esplanade to eat, then went to watch movie, Sky HIgh! She knew how much i wanted to watch it, and even though she doesnt like the movie, she bought the tickets. [In the end, she's the one laughing her head off] And the most sweetest part was that she hug me so tightly knowing that i was cold and i felt so warm. After the movie, we went to Candy empire and spent the money on candies and choc bars. Ooh it was so tempting to buy a lot but i managed to restrict myself. I bought a candy that came in a facial wash tube thingy, choc bars and biscuits. UHmMM, the choc bar is so o-delicious. It so creamy and i'm so moaning in pleasure when eating it. Please dont think dirty. AFter the choc fest, we went to mustafa centre to buy pressie for the sis. I so love you for being you. We could do anything under the sun and it still would be fun and enjoyable. I love racing with you and yeah, u do have to admit that i'm faster at walkin then you. And i do have longer legs then you! Ahah.
It was a day of pampering. She pampered me like hell. From the two books, the sports bra, the perfume, the sweets stuff to the kisses, hugs, smiles. I cant wait to see whats in store for us in the future.
Btw, did i mention that i love her? Oh so much.
I'm so looking forward to the next time that i meet her.
&the beauty.
I woke up to the excruciating sound of my mom screaming. She was asking me to wake up and start cleaning up the house while she's at the market shopping for stuff. It was barely 9am and i had only slept for a few hours. I couldnt bring myself to get out of bed. It was simply torturous to just lift my head from the pillow. So i doze off. The next thing i know, my baby bro was whacking me on the head with his oh-very-smelly-full-of-saliva bolster. That got me fully awake.
I peeled. I fried. I pounded. For your info people, that is what i did to the potatoes. My dad's siblings were coming over for Raya. And like every year, my mom will surely want to cook. This year is the MEe Soto year. Which means I'm the chief in charge in making Bagadil [potato thingy]. It took me an hour to finish my job and another 10mins to scrub the grease from my delicate hands.
And now i'm so bored waiting for them to come. I think i'll go take a nap first.
Good day people. =]
&the beauty.
Ooohh.. i'm jumping for joy literally. And i only stopped when i bumped into the table and tripped over the cable wire. ANd what is the cause of my happiness?
Coz she's so freaking super sweet!! She bought for me books knowing how much i'm into reading. And she bought me a sports bra too. woohoo. God knows how much i need one. I so cant wait to meet her so dat i can get my pressies. Thanks dear for being such a dear. =]
This is totally fun.
Happy anniversary darl.
&the beauty.
I miss my girls.
I miss school.
I miss trying to wake up early to school.
I miss fetching nad den deciding to skip sch and jus chill out.
I miss bitching about ppl.
I miss all those last min excursions.
Darls, please call me and ask me out.
&the beauty.
Trust. Shtrust. Who cares. I do.
You went back on ur word. You said that you would try trusting me when we started all over again but I dont see the effort. All i want is for you to learn to trust me but you CANT.
&the beauty.
Ouch. Sheer agony.
I'm so tired. My feet are oh so aching. Just the slightest contact with it and i'll beat the crap out of you. Dont even come close to my feet. And it SMELLS. Ergh. Been going out celebrating yesterday and today. And i'm so freaking full!! From the blueberry+peachtea+orange+sarsi drinks, lontong+ketupat+rendang+bbqchicken... well you know wad i mean.
I hate it when all those aunties and uncles tease you about when you're getting married, whether you got boyfriend etc. They are so freaking irritating. All i could do was jus smile a sickening sweet smile and sat demurely, with eyes looking down. Haha. It took a lot of energy to restrain myself from screaming, " Yes I do have a boyfriend! But its a girl! SO its my girlfriend!" And then I'll bask in the limelight and take pleasure looking at their shocked faces. MUAhaha. Okay shaf, stop your nonsense.
I fweaking miss her. Miss her like crazy. Cant stop thinking of her. I'll have to wait till Monday to meet her and by den, its been a week since we haven meet.
I MISS DEedee.
&the beauty.
OooOoh.. I've finally changed my oh so smelly bedsheet.
My mom bought me a pink bedsheet with.. frills. Uhuh.
It feels comfy anyway.
I cant wait to start attachment so that i cant wait for it to end.
Yay. SO where's the logic in that?
Missing her like hell.
At least the smell of my hair reminds me of her.
DEedee, call me la!!
&the beauty.
Its a day before raya.
A day to finish ironing your raya clothes, get last minute stuff, get the cleaning done etc. Oh i so cant be bothered anymore. I've been polishing all wooden thingy available at my house since yest nite, i had already mop my room and dust the tables etc. And now, i'm jus sitting in front of the comp, propping my legs up the table and polishing.. my nails. Yeah.
Okay fine i have smtg to admit and dat is, i'm a big fan of barney and friends. Seriusly. You might be shocked or even be incredulous but its the truth. And i'm not ashamed of it. Hah. I've kinda memorise the songs since i'm used to singing the songs to make my baby bro sleep. So last night when i was talkin to her, i sang her the song, "yellow blankie" and it amused her. She just couldnt stop smiling and she said that she love it, even tho my singin was off key. And from then on, she made me sing barney songs, hi5 songs, and she even wrote in her blog abt me loving those kiddie shows. Dear, you know i'll sing those songs just to make you smile..
From one moment, you can hear me sing to tunes of punk rock, and the next moment i'm belting out the theme song of barney and friends. Look how versatile i am. Haha.
=SELAMAT HARI RAYA LA PEOPLE=
&the beauty.
What would you say if I asked you not to go
To forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
Would you take my hand and never let go
Promise me you'll never let go
-promise- matchbook romance
&the beauty.
Yesterday was pure heaven. We didnt exactly get to spend much time just the two of us but whatever time we had, we spend it the best way that we know how to. Quality Vs Quantity rite. We went to eat first then walked slowly towards esplanade. Yay, i learnt another route to walk to esplanade. Hah. We were supposed to meet Nad and remy but as usual, they came late so we went first. I sat with her at the cockroach-infested place but i didnt see any roaches la. We sat facing the sea and i felt very calm, we jus sat there and talk about stuffs. Meaningful stuffs. That's how we found out that she had a thing for crashing waves and i wanted to be a receptionist. I just love lying on her stomach, looking up into the sky, watching the sun set.. just talking about nothing at all till the darkness envelops us. Lots of hugs and kisses. Smooching. The romantic ambience came crashing down when nad and remy came. But yeah its okay. Haha. Love my lil bitch anyway. The four of us jus hang around and when to CM. Again. ANd me and her are proud of ourselves for not picking at fight with each other at CM. Woohoo.
She asked me a question.
"Explain in 500 words, why do you love me and dont want to leave me?"
My answer:
" I dont ever want to leave you because I love you too much. Love is something that is hard to explain. You are the only one who could make me happy and sad and even angry at the same time. You're the only one who could bring me down but yet bring me up after that. You made me become the person I am now. All the little things that we did for each other, i would never forget. Every single time i meet you, i felt like i'm knowing you for the first time and that it is our first date. I feel like i'm falling in love with you for the first time every single time. Your eyes and smile captivates me. And how i wish time would jus stand still when i'm spending time with you. You're the only one who made me want to settle down. I could see my future with you, living together with you. You made me feel nervous and excited, even tho we're meeting almost everyday. You could even make me feel butterflies in my stomach. Just the thought of you could make me smile and when i utter your name, it makes me miss you even more. I took out my wallet and kiss your face when i miss you. Being apart from you is agony. And when i'm with you, I know that all the other r/s I had were just practices for the real thing now. All these words combined together does not add up to 500 words, but whatever i said, i meant it. And yeah, i love you and don't want to leave you la bugger."
&the beauty.
