you're a mystery yourself

Saturday, August 12, 2006

9:37 PM

its erm, 9 plus pm on a saturday night so tell me again why the hell am i at home? my mom actually kind of worried that i'm not out on a saturday night. which usually means getting drunk and bogeying around. but i'm kind of glad to be at home and spend the day with my family especially my baby brother who seems to be getting quite attached to my hip. which means close to me if you dont get it. wait, why the hell am i explaining to you guys when i've changed my website address and i'm sure only a few knows. well, i'll just blog according to e way i want it, not the way i want people to see it.

i love him. i love him. i love him. i think i love him. its finally a him, and not a her anymore. i still think that its insulting to become straight after 4-5 years of being a lesbian but as long as i'm happy, it doesnt matter. something happened yesterday and it really struck a chord in my heart. he found out about what i did behind his back and he was so damn fierce with me. And when he demanded an explanation, i burst into laughter. i know it was rude but i couldnt wipe off the big grin on my face. i was actually happy that he seems possessive of me and i thought that maybe, just maybe, he is serious with me.

and yet i can't let go of her. memories just seem to get stuck in my head. i've tried so hard to erase everything but i cant. everywhere i go, every little thing i do i get reminded of her.

a conversation btwn me and him.
him: you still love her.
me: no i dont
him: i'm telling you, you still love her.
me: i dont bloody love her.
him: you cant forget bout her.
me: [stubbornly] yes i can.

and yet when i'm in his arms, i felt like weeping cause of her.

&the beauty.

Shaf. 31july.

I love the smell of rain and the feel of green grass

Nad
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Farah
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