you're a mystery yourself
everything seems almost perfect. not that i'm complaining. Relationships between me and my family has become so much better due to the fact that a) i dont lie to them or hide things and b) i dont go out much often unless its with him or them and c) i dont stay out till the wee hours like i did last time. School is pretty much great since i dont actually bothered to attend lessons and that its almost over with all those projects, exams, practs being rushed. And friends are pretty much there. as always.
going out with him is one hell of a laughing matter. and yes sometimes i do get worried that i'm laughing too much since i have this warped idea that i'll cry in the end, if i laugh so much. but other then that its almost perfect. i love how he makes me feel open, that we can just talk about anything under the sun or the moon for that matter. and i'm grateful that i have him now. since he change me all that and bla bla bla. -rolls eyes-
the keyword is almost. hah. for now, i'm loving every single minute of it.
Come to think of it, i've never felt this free before. and honestly it all started ever since i'm dee-less.
&the beauty.
As a woman on my own i got it goin on
And i'm liking what i'm seeing and
i dont wanna be alone
cause you got me in a daze
your illusion make me sway
We go back and forth
and round and round and nothin turn away
Baby boy could it be wonderful like this
To say its only bout in the way you twist
cause you got me in a daze
your illusion make me sway
i'm caught into you
now i'm tempted to stay.
&the beauty.
whee. its that time of the year again. the month before that festival. you know what i mean.
THE hari raya festival.
which reminds me that i have to stock up on makeups. accessories. shoes. bags. and that i also have to pluck my eyebrow. do my hair. lose some weight. clear my skin.
what a busy month it'll be.
&the beauty.
i love myself.
i love my friends.
i love my family.
i love him.
happy fasting people.
&the beauty.
Perfect
Blah. what a word. lets just say that that's my hated word for the month or even the upcoming months.
anyhoo, i have to start grooming myself. as though a pet licking its fur to impress the owner. hah. oh fark. what a mess.
&the beauty.
it has been four bloody days of not meeting him. not forgetting that four days of non stop fighting, being egoistic and just plain childish.
and finally, finally, finally, everything has been settled. i think.
&the beauty.
In all my life, i have never been single. i have always been living a life that my family or my other half wants me to. it seems as though i dont have a mind of my own to think for myself.
as of now, i should start living my life the way i want it. i shouldnt let a relationship define me as a person. i shouldnt be depending on other people to be there for me or even to make me happy. because in the end, only i can make myself feel better. i would not want to make the same mistakes over and over again. and i vow not to let anyone bring me down, not to let that person's decisions affect my life so greatly.
So let this be a lesson to me. Live a life the way i want it to be so that i wont be disappointed in it. There is only such thing as me, myself and i. No questions asked.
&the beauty.
its a shame in a way cause
i feel that i may not ever find the right one for me
did i leave him, is he right in front of my face
will my true love ever be?
Why would i go on a search again
when i know what the end will be
what good is love when it keeps on hurtin me?
No i cant be with you
cause i'm scared
felt like i was falling when you left me
i cant keep going through life
unaware of what i missed
and the person i could be
Love's good when its right
and when its left in your memory
All the times i let you down
i guess love will be nice for someone else's life.
&the beauty.
its raining and just feel oh so wonderful. i'm back home only after an hour of tutorial which is definitely a waste of time since my travelling to school and travelling back home is more than the hours that i spend at school. well, at least he is proud that i attended school. hah.
you know what, since i had to wake up early to attend class this morning, i deserve a good rest and a pat on the back.
i ought to take a nap now.
ta-ta.
&the beauty.
i am sick of your words. of how you keep putting me down. on how you do not even have a teeny bit of faith in me. i hate it that you doubt me. yes i did made mistakes last time and i really regret it but dont you think you're pushing it a little tad too far. every single little thing i do is not enough for you, its never going to be enough for you and i dont know what else to do. i put faith in you thinking that maybe a guy will do me right this time but you and dee seems to be just bloody the same. you yourself knows that no one is perfect yet you're pushing me to perfection. goddamnit. am i not suppose to have a life too? you made me envision a future with you and now you're the one giving up cause you're scared that your feelings will fade due to the fact that i'm just not perfect for you.
so i'm the stupid one here. i'm the fool for getting out of a bad relationship into another bad relationship.
absolutely sheer stupidity.
&the beauty.
So let me on down
cause time has made me strong
i'm starting to move on
i'm gonna say this now
your chance has come and gone
and you know
its just a little too late
a little too wrong
and i cant wait
but you know all the right things to say
i was young and in love
i gave you everything but it wasnt enough
and now you wanna communicate
go find someone else
i'm letting you go
i'm loving myself.
&the beauty.
oh who the fark am i kidding? when can i really have a happy ending where i wont be stressed out and that everything will be fine and dandy? well, the answer is actually, erm, NEVER.
never never never never never ever.
fuck you boy. you just destroyed me. again.
&the beauty.
i feel like writing something insightful but i dont have anything insightful to write about. hah. so i'm here trying my best to create this post so that liza wouldnt complain about me not updating.
i've been staring at the computer screen for 10 minutes and still i keep on staring. i've been typing out paragraphs and yet deleting them soon after. i am definitely fickle minded which reminds me of pickles. which reminds me of cheeseburgers. which is making me hungry now. ohkay.
well, you know what. i shall just update some other time.
muacks people.
&the beauty.
i had been wanting to eat at sakae sushi ever since god knows when with nad and finally we did it. We had been tempting each other about softshell crab and all those sushi delicacies, and so after our big project, we went. We, the two extremely hungry girls willingly took a cab to city hall to eat at sakae there. And these two girls thought that they could eat a whole goddamn lot of sushis so they bought the buffet price thingy. and boy, we were so damn wrong. by the sixth plate, both of us couldnt eat even a teeny weeny bit of food and since they will charge us for food wastage, we had to get rid of those evidence. My idea was to either stuff it in my bag or just eat it up like as if i'm in fear factor. Nad's idea was to spit it into a tissue and put it at the side of the seat or stuff it in the pepsi can. Either way, we did manage to hide it. We were giggling and laughing like teenage school girls, playing with the conveyer belt, taking pictures, talking and making each other laugh. i almost pee-ed in my pants.
well, i think i kinda did.
anyway, moral of the story is, do not even think of splurging your money on buffets when you're freaking hungry cause you ended up paying more. Right nad?
Chocolate adventure next week? beep me.
&the beauty.
i am such a last minute person. in fact i could have done my projects long long time ago but i chose to put pressure onto myself and do it at the very last minute. Well, my damn project is in 4 hours time and here i am, haven't completed my part yet. gotta go now.
ooh. i'm such a lazy bum.
&the beauty.
you're gone.
where is your heart?
&the beauty.
We'll do it all
everything
on our own.
We dont need
anything or
anyone
If i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world
I dont quite know
how to say
how to feel.
Those three words
are said too much
They're not enough.
All that I am
all that i ever was
is here in your perfect eyes,
they're all i can see.
if i lay here
if i just lay here,
would you lie with me and forget the world
-chasing cars, snow patrol.
&the beauty.
is it just me or is it just me?
me and relationships just doesnt mix well together.
i hate it all.
period.
&the beauty.
i am blessed. really.
my life is almost back on track.
i have my friends.
i have my family.
i have money.
my school's fine.
i have time for myself.
i have him.
and i've almost forgotten about her.
so really, what more can i ask for.
&the beauty.
