you're a mystery yourself
have you ever felt so frustrated, that you feel the tears forming at the back of your eyes? That you feel like hurling yourself against the wall to stop the pain in your heart? Or you envision yourself unlocking the window, and throwing yourself out, feeling the rush of the wind and the adrenalin, and then nothingness.
words can't describe how i feel.
&the beauty.
School is over.
i'm not happy. neither am i sad. But i'll sure remember the little things that makes school more enjoyable. The friends that i have in school. The smoking area where i spent most of my time at. The panic attacks that i have before every practical. The clinical lab that i spent not paying attention in. The different lectures chasing after reminders, presentation etc. The anxiety of failing my subjects. THAT semester that i had to repeat a module. The changing of BFs, every school year.
And now, i have to move on. Hopefully to something better.
Cheers to that.
&the beauty.
1. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
- Oh thank god, i don't have enough hair to shave it.
2. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
- snoring and getting tangled with the blanket.
3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
- uploading pictures
4. Are you any good at math?
- if its doing abacus, i'm damn good. if you're talking bout algebra, forget bout it.
5. Do you have any famous ancestors?
- not that i know. wait, some ancestors in my family were princes. i think. maybe.
6.Are you mad at anyone right now?
- should i? nope.
7. Do you know the words to the song on your Friendster profile?
- i dont even know if i have a song on friendster. that's how clueless i am.
8. Last thing received in email?
- tons of forwarded emails that i NEVER read but my bf does, on behalf of me.
9. How many different drinks have you had today?
- 3. ice water, tea and tea with milk.
10. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
- tried to but it didnt work out.
11. Any plans for tonight?
- are you kiddin me? my bf will most probably chop off my head and feed it to his pet hamster. if he has one. oh wait, i do have study plans, with the computer.
12. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
- yes. whenever i'm feeling sappy.
13. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
- can't remember. that was like 8 years ago.
14. What's outside your front door?
- a long freaking scary dark corridor.
15. Do you have plans on Friday night?
- ooh. this coming friday? erm, going jb?
16. Do you like the ocean?
- who doesn't.
17. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
- i dont celebrate christmas.
18. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
- no. planets bore me.
19. Something you are excited about?
- excited to get my upcoming pay which i'm gonna splurge like there's no tmr.
20. Who around you has the most problems?
- my bf. Cause being with me cause him a lot of problems.
&the beauty.
The other day, i was walking along my corridor, too busy juggling helmet and hp and handbag in my hands, and so i didnt realise that there was someone following me from behind. I was rushing trying to push the button of the lifts, since he was waiting for me downstairs. and i was looking at the reflection in the mirror and that's when it caught my eye... I wasn't wearing earrings! That got me so exasperated and so i said,
"kan, kan, kan."
which to others sound as though i'm talking to myself.
And that's when i heard a burst of laughter behind me. Rupanya he was behind me, shocking the hell out of me.
Till now, whenever he look at me, he will go, "kan, kan, kan."
&the beauty.
here are some random things about me.
1. i'm a sucker for happy endings.
2. i love to annoy my bf as much as he annoys me.
3. my feet smells.
4. my toenails are horrendous.
5. sleeping is my new hobby.
6. i love talking to myself. Right bf?
7. i'm a disgusting person. like really very.
8. i've always wanted to be a comedian.
9. i hate exercising.
10. my undies have holes.
dats abt it. gdnite world.
&the beauty.
i love you.
Cara mu mencintaiku
menjauhkan kecurangan
seperti bintang yg setia pada bulan
makin aku cinta
cermin sikapmu yang
mampu meredam rasa
keakuanku
memahami cinta
&the beauty.
&the beauty.
Too strong for too long
and I can't be without you baby
And I'll be waiting up until you get home
cuz I can't sleep without you baby
Anybody who's ever loved,
ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it,
nothing can replace it
&the beauty.
&the beauty.
i tried to be as perfect as i could. but it didnt work out. And i feel so worn out, all my efforts have gone down the drain. i've tried to be patient but sometimes i think that its not worth it.
Afterall, i'm just an average girl. I have feelings too if you dont seem to remember. Maybe you should remember that sometimes, i do get hurt by what you say and do. You're not the only one who has feelings. I'm a Class A. The type of girl who grovels and begs for forgiveness at the feet of her man, even though she doesn't know what she do wrong. But i do have limits too.
there is a freaking limit as to how many times you could put down the phone on me.
&the beauty.
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't SAY what's going on
Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
-cannonball, damine rice.
&the beauty.
nadiahfarhanahmohamed.
Who cant even pronounce my dad's name. Sometimes she makes me damn pissed that i could just kick her but then thinking about how much those blubber protects her, i shall not waste my time. She is one crazy fella, and may i add lazy. Make it very lazy. She's sitting right beside me, typing on another computer, writing bad things abt me and here i am trying to look at her computer but all i can see is her red twisted bra. And in my mind, i'm trying to think of mean things to say abt her just to compete with her but i can't.
Because, when i think of her, i smile. sometimes its weird, the way that she makes me laugh, i feel as though she's my gf. To Shy: I'm way over that lesbian phase sayang. ANyway, i wont say anything bad abt her coz i just can't think of one.
But i would just love to ask her one thing.
Would u join me at the waterbreaker?
&the beauty.
It took him a lot of courage to come down to Changi, for the much awaited family gathering. And I'm so proud of him cause he came down with a smile on his face despite everything that has been happening. And he even made an effort to make conversation with my dad, who is the fiercest of all. And I felt happy standing back and looking at how my family actually involved him in a lot of activities. And after it all ended, he was actually invited to another of my family outing and this is not the end of it.
On another hand, yesterday he skipped work especially for me knowing how much i complained that his work is his first priority and we went to Uncle Ringo's funfair. We were both laughing and giggling like little kids, [i was the one giggling]. I just couldn't contain my excitement since its been years ago since i went to a funfair. He was all talk saying that he's not afraid of such thing and to bring it on, well at least i was honest in saying that i was scared. And after the whole funfair fiasco, me and him were sitting by the sidewalk, just stoning there, feeling the whole world spinning.
and that's when he said.
"we should have just taken the Ferris wheel."
i agree.
&the beauty.
i miss you.
Even when you are with me, i still miss you.
When you lie down on your bed, closing your eyes and falling asleep, you didnt notice that i was staring at you. To me, you're just perfect. I kiss your lips and touch your eyes and it makes me smile, feeling this overwhelming sense of love just by looking at you.
and then you would suprise me, by putting your arms around my waist and pull me down to bed as though i'm your bolster. And then you would fall asleep more soundly, with your arms still wrapped on me.
and that's when i wished time would just stand still.
&the beauty.
sometimes i find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
especially when i have to watch other people kissin'
and i remember when you started callin' me your miss's
all the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
i'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
i dont know why i trusted you but i knew that i could
we'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
i was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt
dreams, dreams
of when we had just started things
dreams of you and me
it seems, it seems
that i can't shake those memories
i wonder if you have the same dreams too.
the littlest things that take me there
i know it sounds lame but its so true
i know its not right, but it seems unfair
that the things are reminding me of you
sometimes i wish we could just pretend
even if for only one weekend
so come on, tell me
is this the end?
&the beauty.
28th february 2007. the last day of the month.
a very eventful day.
the day when all the lies got out into the open and for once, i'm lost for words. It all started out because they wanted a so called telling-the-truth session. And in turn, i was bombarded back with all the lies that i've said even though it seems like eons ago. Unsuprisingly, he was furious as hell. Many things happen, voices were raised, tears have been shed. So i wont elaborate further.
Like i said to him, its not the fact that you did this, its just that you lied.
Well, i lied. and i regretted it. and i wished that i could take it all back. But i guess i couldnt. Because moments like these are the ones that makes you learn your lesson, and makes you more stronger.
and so i've learned. But because of that, i lost your trust. When i see myself without you, i feel weak because i've been depending on you too much so when i look into my future without you, its damn bleak. We've been through much, and we've jumped over the obstacles that came at us and we've gone so far.
So dont tell me that we can't make it, cause we can. Dont tell me that you don't love me, cause you do.
&the beauty.
