you're a mystery yourself
i love my bf. no matter how much i denied it.
no matter how annoying he is.
no matter how rude he is sometimes.
even though he makes me cry, he makes me smile too.
and when least expected, he shows that he do care.
for example, i kept sneezing in his room, big amazing sneezes that could literally blew the roof out of the building and i blame it on his dusty room, his fan coated with dust and grime as the main source of my allergy. he grumbles and mumbles and without me knowing, he took the fan out of the house and clean it up, makin it look brand new. and so he said, "its for you."
even though we kept repeating that we wont put up with each other's shiets. but we still do. even though you said that you will try to trust me but you wont. Even though i said i wont vent my anger at you, i still do. But you love me, for all my imperfection and flaws. and ditto to you too.
you're my longest ever bf. and i hope you would be the last.
so happy 1year2month5days and counting.
p.s: i hope this is long enuff for you.
&the beauty.
there's this fateful day when everything just seems to go wrong for me, and i messed up so much that for the first time, i actually broke down in the locker room and cried. Big heaving sobs. And its kind of embarassing for me, coz i actually took pride in myself as someone who is tough and slumber that whatever shiet wont faze me. So when i called my mom to tell her that i've just finished work, [it was 12mn okay], she asked whether everything was okay and whether i wanted my dad to fetch me or should she fetch me. and that was touching. so i finally cracked up and cried. It was a relief to get all that emotions out of my system. But even then, the next day i dreaded to go work, i was mentally calculating how much i have to pay a month to pay back my bond. that just shows how dreadful it was.
and i realised no matter how hard it is, i have to face up to the music and just do my best. If i did my best, no one could told me that i wasn't trying hard enough. Perseverance and determination are the key words here.
So here's a toast to me. To be the best that i could.
and so it is friday. =]
&the beauty.
i feel so burned out nowadays. i have been working one week nonstop and its taking a toll on me. and the effing part is that my next off day seems like eons away. Well, At least one thing that would be making my worklife better is to know that nad is also currently having her attachment somewhere in the same hospital. And it will almost feel like we're having the same attachment together, if you know what i mean.
on the other hand, i miss the bf. and everybody else too.
cheerios.
&the beauty.
in my boredom, i reread past entries.
and i hate to admit this but now, i wished that i was very busy with work and activities till i had no time to eat, not enough sleep etc like last time. At least i wouldnt be at home and thinking about him and i could even lose weight.
i'm always dreading to go work cause i absolutely hates it. but when i'm at work, time flies by so much faster.
i wished i was much stronger.
&the beauty.
If I could escape,
and recreate a place
that's my own world
and I could be your favourite girl
Perfectly together
Tell me boy now,
wouldn't that be sweet?
and if i could escape, i would go to the edge of the world. it looks like such a safe haven. All those rocky rocks and you could see the sea from afar. From the pictures, it looks beautiful. i would go there simply just to escape the high demands of society. how i wished.
But i guess its true what they say, you just have to face it head on instead of running away.
&the beauty.
i'm very happy.
coz he's back.
yayness.
the bad news is i couldn't spend time with him cause its back to work tonight.
i'll take whatever i can get then. =]
&the beauty.
i tried to spend as much time with him as possible but still it's not enough. On that day, i was at his home way before the sun rises. i watched him as he sleeps, his bald head the only thing that could be seen beneath all those blankets.
the ride to jalan bahar was in silence, broken only by his dad talking with the taxi driver. And as he fell asleep on my shoulders, i held his hand tight, letting him know how i feel. The place was bigger than expected and i didnt realise that the place was so close to the cemetery till i saw the headstones up close and its really freaky. Me and my future in laws had to go on a tour around the camp while he enlist. And when the oath taking ceremony finally took place, i felt a sense of pride and sadness lookin at him. And when its time to go, i didnt had the chance to kiss him or told him to take care, it was just so rushing.
And now i miss him. and damn it hurts. i dont feel motivated to work or do anything else. He's always the one who gave me the strength to face the working world and he was there to cheer me on. But now i couldnt contact him like i used to. And when he does text me or give me a call, my whole day becomes oh so much brighter.
thats it, its official, i have become a sappy moron.
i just wished friday would come.
on a lighter note, happy fasting.
&the beauty.
holla.
i've been too busy working and its kinda tiring. Everyday seems like a cycle and i get burned out. Work has really been shittified, knowing that there's just too much for you to learn and your colleagues expecting you to learn everything at one go, that's not helping at all. And when you get reprimand, you just have to smile it through and learn, cause being resentful doesn't help you learn from your mistakes. And trust me, i have done enough mistakes that make me cringe with embarassment when anyone mention it. i dont hate my job, neither do i love it. To me, its just something that i have to do. And i hope that would last me for the next three years.
And when i'm not working, i try my hardest possible to spend as much time i could with him cause i know that when he's in camp, i would be missing him like crazy. And i know how insecure we are about the future, so lets just take one step at a time. If we're meant to be, we'll always be. love you.
&the beauty.
