you're a mystery yourself

Friday, November 30, 2007

3:47 AM

i love the sound of alicia key's voice crooning in my ear while i go around doing my duties to the sick people. her voice is very soothing yet upbeat.

i am working night yet again and usually right around dis time, my eyes will start drooping. Its as though there's an alarm clock for it. and i am superduper bored with absolutely nothing to do and 3 hours more to the end of my shift. So being the usual me, i made all these list just to get myself organized. SHopping list, holiday list, things to do list etc. [which somehow or rather i never manage to fulfill yet it still made me happy doing it]. But i know for sure that i wanna organize a gathering eg. bbq pitt where i could meet my friends and ask them to overnight, just like last time. But now i'm unsure whether they would take time off for it, cause everyone's really drifting apart. See, i'm just blabbering and lets just blame the lack of sleep.

i really miss him. And its totally unfair that eventho he has passed out, he still needs to be in the camp for 10more weeks. But what to do, we'll just have to make the best out of it. =]

"Some people say you only fall in love once,
but every time I'm with you, I fall in love all over again"

&the beauty.

2:55 AM

i hate night duties and yet i love it.

there's a fine line btwn love and hate.

&the beauty.

11:22 PM

i lurvvee this week.

work has been so much better and i'm not struggling like last time. Its actually quite refreshing. and the best thing about this week was that it has been 4days straight that i get to meet him. its been eons that we do such thing.

this week was about shopping and more shopping. Movie marathon. Dinner experiences.

i love when we hang out. The way we could talk to each other about nothing and everything. and i love that we could accept each other's flaws and even laugh about it. i love how we [which means me] came up with stupid games to play, like charades. and we ended up laughing our heads off. and i'm glad that you took care of me. =]

i can't wait for next week.

&the beauty.

12:41 PM

i've been awake since 9am in the morning and i couldnt get back to sleep. So i plonked my arse in front of the computer and have been watching gilmore girls rerun the whole morning, with intervals toilet break. And in another 15 mins or so, i have to get ready for work and suddenly i felt damn damn tired.

and i hope today at work would be a much better day than yesterday. much much better.

ok bye. i need to toodles.

&the beauty.

11:22 AM

sometimes i felt like strangling him. sometimes i felt like throwing my caution to the wind and just go with the flow and let loose. sometimes i feel i deserve someone better and sometimes i feel like i wont find anyone better than him. Sometimes i feel like beating him into a pulp but other times i feel like smothering him in my arms.

Sometimes i hate him.

But then most of the time, i really love him. =]

&the beauty.

10:55 AM

like my uncle would always say, "i is so damn pissed."

i felt exactly the same way yesterday. And amidst my anger, i called macaroon up and ended at her house half an hour later. No doubt she regretted having invited me over. We sat sprawled on her couch, devouring food and more food and watching dvds. And after we had exhausted our choice of dvds, we sat outside her house, with laptop blasting music, coke, ciggies and just bitch.

i love talking to her. The way we can just talk about anything under the sun. And there we go talking about passion. yes you read it right. PASSION with a big capital P. We were lamenting on how we should have been more actively involved in some sort of activities since we were young, so that we could have a sense of belonging. that we could actually achieve something, be it medals, trophies or critics. So being the semangat people that we are, we surfed the net for something to join. And we found it. Lots of things actually. and i am actually excited about it. I've been wanting to feel like i've belonged somewhere. To busy myself with activities, instead of just going to work, back home and its a cycle. I needed to do something more with myself than just the normal everyday life.

and so now, i am raring to go. =]

&the beauty.

12:13 AM

i love the gilmore girls.

&the beauty.

10:38 PM

i'm having ultra extra anxiety attack which feels as though my heart's gonna pop out of my mouth anytime soon. Sometimes it gets so bad that i couldn't breathe and then i manage to relax and then the whole vicious cycle starts again.

And i'll pray to God that everything will be okay this time.

i hate when we didn't say a proper goodbye. It keeps me awake at night.
i hate how menses feels so uncomfortable, makes me crampy and grumpy.
i hate how sometimes i feel that my life's too unachieved. Which makes me feel i should be doing something with it but nothing comes up.
ciggies, work and apeks are my newfound bestfrens.
i love watching tv reruns. it makes me feel occupied.
i love reading books. i'm definitely a bookworm.

&the beauty.

12:51 PM

i miss socialising.

&the beauty.

10:41 AM

i've been hearing too many ghost stories and i'm now imagining far too much. and its definitely not good since i'm on night duty. i seem to eat extra extra during nights. at my working table, i usually have a bottle of coke, some chocolates or chips and for supper, i'll eat something heavier.

i'm wishing for donuts tonight.

ta. i'm off to meet my lovelies.

&the beauty.