you're a mystery yourself

Sunday, December 28, 2008

10:59 PM

i have a thing about old people, especially the old makciks. Somehow they just managed to tug at my heartstrings, and i get weepy. Like seriously.

Like just now when i was working, i was chatting with this old woman whose husband is a patient in my ward. I was trying to make her feel better cause she's obviously upset about something, and i could see the tears in her eyes. Ain't that just heartbreaking. And so we chatted on and on. When it was time for her to go back, i reminded her to be careful on the road, when suddenly she grasped my hand and kissed me on my cheek, hugging me slightly. Needless to say, i got a bloody shock la but then there's this warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. hehe. She really made my day, knowing that somehow today, i made an impact on her. Vice versa.

She made me learn that no matter how tough or shitty my job is, how i complain and fervently wished that i was working somewhere else, at end of the day, the job is definately rewarding. All the hours slogging. Spit. Beat. Vulgar words from patients and familes. Been there done that. But then... there's also those familes/patients who say thanks to you so sincerely that it melts your heart. And it makes up for everything else.

ain't it funny how things works. =]

&the beauty.

2:22 AM

i'm feeling so the bloody shagged. This is one of the many reasons that i hate working night. My hormones are all so messed up. Its either i'm too cranky or too hyper, which is not good at all for my colleagues.

i have an effing major crush on Edward Cullen. Like seriously. I wished that i have a boyfriend like him. Someone who is so protective over me, takes care of my every single needs even the littlest and stupid ones, someone who has a lot of passion in him for the both of us, someone who is so devastatingly dangerous.

oh don't get me wrong, i do love my boy.

but still, every girl deserves to have a crush every now and then. =]

&the beauty.

8:51 PM

i have to admit that the book, twilight is a must read. In just a few hours, i'm obsessed about it. But the movie is a disappointment actually. It didn't do justice to how Edward and Bella fell in love. Seriously, i prefer books to movies.

i'm a friggin bookworm. =]

&the beauty.

10:28 PM

its back to work for me today.

the last weekend was absolutely wonderful. 4 straight off days, ain't that just great. And it was spend quite meaningfully too.

Last saturday, i had the end of year annual gathering with ALL the family members. It was great. All the cousins came, with bfs/fiances/husbands/kids etc. The food, the ambience, the gossip, the people.. even tho it started to rain in the early morning while we were sleeping under the open sky, it still didnt damper our spirits.

And then the next day, i went for my company's dnd. The food was not exactly superb but everything else makes up for it. Pictures will be up later.

till then, i'm off to bed. =]

&the beauty.

4:25 PM

i'm pissed off. i'm farking mad. i feel so upset that my heart just felt like bursting with rage. I'm so angry that my mouth can't form the words.

i fucking hate you.

&the beauty.

12:00 AM

Everybody makes mistakes in their lives whether in work, social life or etc. Its part and parcel lof life. And that's the best way to learn. ain't that true?

then why do i still feel so insecure, especially at work. Sometimes when i reached home from work, i can't help but think whether there's anything that i left out, whether i should have done things differently or much better. What ifs.

I hate being paranoid and insecure. i feel like as if its a disease. Something that i can't get rid of.

But on the other hand, i'm also the type of person with a heck care attitude. i mean, if i had made a mistake or whatsoever, i will be damn upset for awhile and then go back to normal, cause i would think to myself to get over and done with feeling upset. That what has been done, is done.

My this attitude upsets some people like my bf who thinks that i should be more emotional, more aggressive and more drama.

for example:

Me: "oh shit, i lost my phone."
him: "ohmygod. where?? where you last saw it?"
me: "oh i dunno"
him: "lets search"
me: "forget it la, i'll get a new one or borrow one'
him: "can you please be more upset"

Damn it boy, i'm a girl, i know i should be more sensitive.

But its just that i really think things will be alright in the end.

ok bye, i'm crapping.

&the beauty.

4:06 PM

Its confirm plus chop.

i am now certain that i'm allergic to seafood. After all those years of consuming seafoody food and only now i got the rashes spread out on my nose. I think its goddamn unfair, cause if you know me, you would know i love my food especially those clams, mussels, prawns and such.

and now i have to eat it once a while only.

fuckerneneh. i'm itching all over.

&the beauty.

11:04 PM

Discipline.

i have none of that.

Fark you, bloody fats.

&the beauty.

5:29 PM

i am a very ambitious girl.

i wish i could travel all around the world, thus that's the main reason i'm saving money for.

so , hongkong anyone? =]

&the beauty.

10:52 AM

i'm missing out on a lot of things.

i wish i could reverse time.

&the beauty.

6:22 PM

work, work and work.

its like a routine which i can't seem to break off. and now, my whole work schedule has been altered, and its a farking mess. Knowing me, most probably i will come for the wrong duty. And when i come home from work, i would be too shagged to do anything else.

Its definitely an understatement to say that my workload doesn't deserve the meagre pay that i'm getting now.

Speaking of pay, there's so many things that i need to do but i have absolutely nil discipline in saving money.

and i miss miss my sweetheart. =]

&the beauty.