BlurQueen

2009-11-14T21:14:00.001+08:00

i'm back. Sorta. =)

2009-09-09T16:58:00.003+08:00

my heart is in pain.

I am so super duper broke to the core. i think i've never has been this broke ever since my diploma days.

i think its really all up to fate. I guess reversing my car into the railing and creating a dent in the bonnet, was written in destiny. Blardy hell. And now i wasted money on the repairs.

so this year, no more fake eyelashes. No highlighting of hair. No buying of expensive baju raya.

on the bright side, hopefully having iftar with nad n liza. hint hint. =]

2009-08-27T20:53:00.002+08:00

first and foremost, selamat berpuasa to everyone.

i have not been updating cause i am just plain lazy. there's so many things happened and i just dont know where to start.

Me and the bf have just recently celebrated our 3rd year anniversary, it was great until a certain thing happened a few weeks ago that makes me think about us all over again. And it totally changes my perspective, of him, of us. i hate how he perceives me. And i can safely say that i'm changing. Turning to be some sort of hardened shrivelled up old woman who does not trust. Shucks. I dont effing care. Not anymore.

Next up will be school. Can't believe that i'm finishing school in lesser than 4 mths time and that feels good. Cause i know that i would like to constantly be upgrading myself. Seriously i wanna be the best that i can possibly can. Since getting married is not part of my plan at this moment of time, i might just be able to pursue my degree soon. If God willing.

Family has been just wonderful. There's nothing more I can say on that.

Friends. Some are there, some are not. Either way, all will be missed. =]

On random note, i can't wait for gummy's 21st bday. its gonna be a blast. hehe. i can think of all the eggy floury pranks.

2009-06-07T13:27:00.002+08:00

I intended to log in to blogspot with stories to tell. But when i'm already logged in, i can't seem to remember what it is. I have a limited attention span i guess.

3 more days to my bio test and i'm so not ready. At this moment of time, i'm suppose to be studying for it but i'm.. procastinating like usual. I think i've lost my mojo. Speaking of mojo, i feel like sitting by the beach, sipping mojito. Ok fine, random.

i hate not having bonus this month.

2009-06-02T21:18:00.000+08:00

loving the prada sunglasses that i hijacked. woohoo.

2009-05-27T21:50:00.002+08:00

i am damn shagged.

i didn't even try this hard for my dip.

i'm too busy poring over books, sourcing for journals, got held up in the library. my timetable too packed with unnecessary lectures. I swear i'm going berserk. test is in three weeks time, and i'm cramming like crazy. which is so not me, cause i usually freak out the night before.

i'm so trying desperately to be a better person.

And its so not helping me in losing weight.

2009-05-14T09:24:00.002+08:00

i'm terribly disappointed with myself.

i skipped my first tutorial ever, i just can't seem to make myself go to the class. And i state all the reasons in my head, but it still made me feel guilty. I have to keep reminding myself that this is not my diploma days.

Damn it.

I'm a dead duck.

2009-05-09T17:16:00.003+08:00

i'm currently studying at coffeebean. With Farah. I swear its not much productive since barely half an hour after flipping through notes, we decided to catch a movie.

and we watched wolverine. Again for me. But still its good tho.

Ok bye.

2009-05-07T15:12:00.003+08:00

i'm down with gastric flu and viral fever. 3days of mc.

i had to wait 3bloody hours till it was my turn to see the doctor yesterday. luckily the boy was being such a sweetheart, and manage to call my dad to fetch me from the hospital knowing that he himself was not able to make it. Thanks dear for trying. =]

and so here we goes... online shows. woohoo.

2009-05-01T21:42:00.001+08:00

i'm missing him like crazy.

the boy went to Malacca for 3days with his family. Regrettably, i'm unable to follow.

i miss you, you know.

2009-05-01T12:54:00.002+08:00

"People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one that they love. Big movies are made about it, and every relationship you admire bursts with a greatness that you hope for in your own life. And the more you value yourself, the more chance you'll have of getting it."

"When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you like us to be."

-from the book, he's just not that into you.

I find the above sentences so true. There's no point in pressurizing him to do something that he's not ready for. Doing that to him, and most probably he'll run in the opposite direction. Hah. But.. i'm glad that me and him get to have this serious conversation.

And so we have a tentative date. hush hush.

like he said, i can't run away from him. Neither can he. =]

2009-04-28T21:31:00.001+08:00

second week of school.

my shoulders hurt from carrying too much books. and the weird thing is that everyday after school, i'll get a friggin migraine and its not good when your bus journey is an hour drive.

and i've just realised i lost one of my module books.

nehhhhhh.

2009-04-23T20:27:00.002+08:00

i miss my ward people.

i miss the babis. Gummy and fieza. the ones who always make me laugh.

i miss arvin, .... and the pantry. Not forgetting our perverted talks. hehe. =]

i miss helmi, eventho he keep on telling me that my boobs are so sagging that they are practically sweeping the floor.

i miss jojo, drinking coffee with her in the wee morning hours.

i miss my batch, e ones who totally understands how i feel while working, and the ones who goes thru the same shiet as me. =]

and i miss the rest so much eventho there's too much names to mention.

i even miss farah sey, cause i rarely see her in school except for those lectures that we're together in, yet she keep on disturbing me by writing in my book. hahah. Baka!

School has been alright so far, maybe because the assignments have not yet pile in. There're some lectures that bored the hell out of me but most of the time, its kinda interesting. Actually, i'm really amaze at myself for not cabotting class yet. Haha. It seems like i'm more diligent now than my diploma days.

But then..... its only the first week. so we'll see how it goes.

=] wish me luck. *crosses finger*

First day.

2009-04-20T20:49:00.003+08:00

First day of school yet again.

I may look arrogant or snobbish but i'm actually quite shy. Its hard to make new friends all over again, trying to find your own clique or whatsover. But i managed to find khakis. =] Its even harder trying to cram all the knowledge into your brain

my timetable for this week sucks.

Do you have any tips on how to keep awake in a 3hr long lecture?

at least my mummy made me milo cause i have a terrible migraine right after my first day of school.

oh yeah, i kinda miss farah and her puny face.

Loves.

2009-04-15T14:08:00.009+08:00

simpleminded.

2009-04-15T02:25:00.001+08:00

i've just spent half an hour changing the layout on the blog.

Ans since i'm gonna start a new chapter in my life, might as well i change the blog too.

Too bad, i couldn't change boyfriend. =]

just kidding, love.

2009-04-10T22:09:00.001+08:00

there's so many things to do yet so little time....

2009-04-09T22:22:00.002+08:00

I've always thought that i would be doing my adv dip with nad but alas, that's not the case. I hope she's doing well in whatever she's doing right now.

And so I went to the orientation today, filled with anticipation. And as I sat in the tutorial room, listening to my course coordinator explaining more in depth about our course, i started thinking to myself, "oh shit, what have I gotten myself into???!!!"

I must admit, I am definitely not the studios type I'm not hardworking either. During my diploma days, I was always late for class or either missing in action, I didnt even have the appropriate textbooks. I'm not the type of person who strives for As in their assignments, i couldn't care less.

But now I'm a little bit worried, this 8mth course is like a crash course, i've seen my first week of timetable, and god, i'm scared, i'm more worried about being late. Weekdays will be studying on the campus, weekends will be doing assignments. There's only one week of frigging break. There's postings and postings of attachment. Group projects, individual assignments, attachments, exams etc.

and this time around, i'm gonna do it right.

2009-04-03T23:20:00.003+08:00

I had a great time with farah the other day. We finally bought our uniforms, [eventho e auntie adamantly question as to how i can fit into an M size, blardy hell], we had a wonderful lunch which we both couldnt finish. uhuh. We even watched a movie, Detroit Metal City which was farkingly hiilllarious, i swear you guys should go watch it. Finally, we shopped a little bit for clothes and shoes before heading home.

On the train back, we had a conversation about us leaving the ward. and its kinda sad yet relief yet excited. The latter was because of us re-entering school again, despicte our rustic minds.

I seriously can't wait to enter school again, to learn something new. People kept asking me as to why I had chosen gerontology instead of the much wanted med-surg courses. I did ask myself the exact same thing. And i even asked myself whether I regretted my decision. And the answer is No. I'm not the type of person who regrets doing things cause i believe things happen for a reason no matter good or bad. And the reason I chose gerontology was because compared to med surg, i felt more passionate towards gerontology and people closest to me should know by now that i have a thang for old people. Not in the pervert way. Hah. So there. No regrets.

Speaking of school, i'm only half ready for it. Hopefully by the end of this coming week, all will be well. =]

i'll miss my ward. My batch. The babis. The people who makes my work better and fun-ner.

Gummy, lets plan the bbq reallll sooon... like a farewell parrty.

2009-04-01T23:57:00.003+08:00

i am seriously thoroughly enjoying my leave.

these past few days have been spent on korean dramas, movies marathon and surprise dates. But it feels as though something is missing.

On a brighter note, i've a date with farah tmr.

=]

2009-03-30T21:46:00.005+08:00

Woohoo. Finally, an internet connection.

I've just spent 45mins on the phone with a guy from the phillipines trying to solve my connection problem. hee.

Its been so long since i posted an entry.

SO this quick update will focus on random bits of info.

My bestest girl cousin got engaged. Which means that everyone's been asking when's my turn. dang.

I am going back to school on the April 20th and its scaring the shit out of me. ANd i'm gonnna miss my peeps at work.

I am super broke eventho i just got my pay.

I am on leave on the moment since i have to clear my leaves

And pls be reminded not to watch horror movies with me. cause i'm a scaredy cat.

---------------------------------------------------

yesterday double dates was hilarious yet nostalgic.

and deea, all i can think about was the cat. =[

and yes, i permed my hair, which makes me look damn older but who cares.

2009-03-20T03:20:00.000+08:00

Its confirmed plus chop.

I am definitely going back to school this coming April.

I'm sad. seriously damn sad.

Yet happy and relieved at the same time.

Farah, countdown yeah?

=]

2009-03-12T21:46:00.002+08:00

Alright people, i've managed to take a step further.

Finally, i've taken two classes today.

Trust me when I say that i'm totally not good in my hands and legs coordination. There was this class that teaches us the salsa, cha cha etc moves, i swear my hips feel like flying out of my body and still the instructor insisted that we should sway some more. Its more routine dancing, and my adrenalin was pumping, sweat was pouring, i seriously felt the muscle pulling my whole body. But then i kept messing up my legs movement, i'm still confused with my directions.

Kickboxing was a little better, the punching, kicking, choppin and whatnots.

i hope people would just stop bugging me.

pls.

2009-03-11T23:45:00.002+08:00

Whatsup with all these people???!

I mean, seriously I don't consider myself as obese or anything. But today, everybody's been talking about how much i've put on weight.

Even a stranger who has seen me ard the ward has commented.

fuckingbloodyshit.

Sometimes i would rather they keep the comments to themselves.

Cause sometimes they carry the joke too far, instead of laughing, i have to plaster a fakey smile onto my face, knowing I can't show them that i'm hurt.

=[

2009-03-05T22:55:00.002+08:00

Firstly, congratulations to my boy, for finally getting his car license. Now all I have to endure is his gloating. =]

I think I've been taking too much itch medication, that makes me utterly drowsy. Its addictive. I called it my sleepin pills. I swear i could sleep for a long period of time, woke up for 2hours than go back to sleep. My post night offs have been wasted due to this but what to do. The rash on my nose has become unbearable, its either i'll be scratching till its red and raw or I applied medication and it'll become dry and raw. Blardy bugger.

On a random note, I absolutely love watching MTV's The Hills. The girls are so damn gorgeous. I wished I could have freedom as much as them. Not to be tied down in a relationship. Having a fun career which you actually love. Having manicured nails. I wished I could just jet off anywhere with my friends for a getaway, getting drunksy on excitement and such. So many things to do in this short life.

Alas, this is not so.

Still, I could always hope.

2009-02-25T21:42:00.002+08:00

So many things have happen. and sometimes, i feel like blogging all in here but words just can't seem to form, and sometimes, i don't know where to start.

my darlings brothers have celebrated their birthdays. February babies. They are the ones that cracked me up regardless of how much they annoyed it beforehand. I swear sometimes it gets so hard being the eldest in the family, cause of having to take care of their little wants and needs, cleaning up after them. Previously when my mom was hospitalised, i had to blardy wake up at different timing in the wee hours of morning to get them prepared for school. making sure they eaten, get home safely, etc. i love them. My family.

my conversation with my littlest bro makes me horrified!

him: eeee kakak
me: what?
him: your leg looks like watermelon.
me: NOOOOO!!
him: you're fatter than mama already.

and because of that, i finally did it lar,

I JOINED AMORE! That is one step for me.

the other step is to actually attend all the classes available.

=]

Speaking of which, i miss my lovelies at work. my BABIs. Cause they always make me laugh non stop. Somemore, gummy was cute sia, calling me up just to say she's giddy. I hope you're feeling better. And my anak babi, pls make sure we'll go to seoul garden one fine day.

"babyboy, stay on my mind, fulfill my fantasy......." hint.

goodnighteveryone.

2009-02-21T23:19:00.003+08:00

i is so damn tired.

FULL STOP

2009-02-21T23:19:00.002+08:00

Sometimes my head and heart's ruled by my temper. And harsh words will be said, too honest words will be sad. Then after that, regret as guilty sets in.

"We're driving slow through the snow on fifth avenue
And right now radio's All that we can hear
Now we ain't talked since we left, It's so overdue
It's cold outside But between us its worse in here

i hate this part right here."

Sometimes, we get busy with our own stuffs and work. And even though we have a long relationship, it does not mean that i do not crave your attention. Cause i do. I find it depressing that its hard for you to just spare a few minutes for me, even to just talk bout nothing at all. I wished that our relationship wont succumb to those that felt so routine like.

2009-02-13T18:50:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow's valentine's day.

Being the nice gf that i am, i tried to make muffins for the boy. I asked Farah for the recipe since she's like the Queen of all things sweet. and violence. hee.

And so i tried making it, i swear i was making Farah miserable by calling her at work a few times just to get it right. and there were some ingredients missing so i had to be more innovative and make do with whatever i could lay my hands on.

And the end result is................................

but then, being the greedy gf that i am, most prob i'll be the one finishing it up.

its a success.

2009-02-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

i love you, muhammad syakir.

Like i love no other. =]

2009-02-08T20:16:00.002+08:00

i feel damn irritated sometimes. i hate feeling weak. I hate having to be the one mostly giving in cause that makes me feel shitty sometimes. I feel that this relationship sometimes is not balanced. and i feel damn pissed off.

and i hate feeling the way i do. cause it makes me irrational.

i dont feel like speaking to you. Until you find it in your heart, to apologise to me.

2009-01-27T01:29:00.000+08:00

I'm having my night shift again, but this time around, my nights have been quite enjoyable. With helmi and farah, they seriously crack me up sia. Stupid jokes and scary stories. They managed to make me choke on my food, which is damn irritating larh. hah.

Actually, the main reason that i logged in was to blog about something important. But then now, i just can't remember what is it.

my mind's too befuddled.

tomorrow's the date with the boyfriend. =D

okay, this post is too stupid and random.

pillows matters

2009-01-22T23:46:00.002+08:00

i've bought new pillows for me and my grandmama, to replace those pillows that are sagging and limpy. And now, i've ended up with too many pillows that i goy frustrated sometimes, cause i'm not able to toss and turn in my sleep.

i'm being suffocated by pillows la.

aiyo.

2009-01-21T16:34:00.003+08:00

Marriage is one super duper major big step.

Whoever that wants to get married, i sure as hell hope that they know what they're getting into. As a little girl, i used to fantasize about how my wedding will be like. Mostly I was thinking about the wedding dress etc, whoever the groom might be doesn't even cross my mind. i know. Silly me.

In this modern generation, divorce are abundance. Where people have no morals, thus having affairs and such. Where people don't give a hoot about commitment and loyalty. I dislike those people who went into a marriage, and yet when the littlest trouble rock their boat, they quickly thought of a divorce. I think its crap.

And no, i'm not implying that i'll be having the type of marriage that won't falls apart. [even if i do get married.] I wouldn't know what God has in store for me. I'm unable to predict the future.

But I know for sure that if i do get married, i'll try my damnest hardest to make it work, even if it kills me. And even if that doesn't work, i know that i've tried my hardest. And when it comes to the end, i won't be childishly blaming other people, being rude to elders. I would smile a little, accept reality, and hoped that the parting will be a bittersweet memory in years to come.

cause that's how it supposed to be.

i've lost my perspective about marriage.

2009-01-20T23:50:00.002+08:00

i have been sick these past few days, which sucks cause all i do is eat and sleep at home. I know i'm suppose to be recuperating but still i'm gonna die of boredom soon.

That's why i'm making a drastic decision that tomorrow i'm gonna go out and have some fun. Alone. Eventho the boy's gonna be mad cause he's missing out on the fun as he will be working, i don't effing care.

i need fun. i need smoke. i need comfort food.

2009-01-19T15:13:00.001+08:00

i miss my babyboy so much la.

eventho he irritates me like crazy which then makes me feel like smashing his nose.

sigh~

2009-01-17T23:23:00.001+08:00

i am in pain. literally.

my hand was assaulted by one of the patients. I swear i felt as though my little finger gonna snap off. i might be exaggerating la but still, it goddamn hurts la. And he totally peeled off my skin ah.

This means war.

For punishment, i shall not give him milo.

2009-01-15T13:51:00.003+08:00

More than a decade of friendship has passed. And yet, we're still going on strong. We might be busy with our own stuffs, but you and i know that we'll be there for each other.

No matter what.

2009-01-14T18:20:00.002+08:00

Me and the boy were having our dinner when i brought up the topic of a much dreaded affair. And all he did was to keep quiet. Then came upon a time when i actually asked him a question, and his answer was so honest and blunt and shockingly devastating, that i could feel the back of my eyes pricking with tears. I swear! Goodness me. I am blardy sensitive but i ought to be.

Cause he shouldn't have said what he said. Its like he blurted it out. Sometimes he's just too honest for his own good, a part of me actually wishes that he could pretend or lie or whatever. Goddamn arse.

These kind of things makes me rethink our whole relationship. Sometimes, i'm so sure, sometimes i have my doubts. We've been too long together. I guess i just wouldnt want to start all over again. Like someone previously told me, i've been too long in my comfort zone that i wouldn't dare to venture out. But then i know for sure that i love him.. its just that sometimes things doesn't go according to plan and that effing sucks.

i wished he would have a more definite plan for us.
i wished i know what he's really thinking.
For now, i'm the only enthusiast between us.

i hate doubts. They kill you.

2009-01-12T23:00:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling the blues today.

i feel crappy. so even tho i'm sleepy, i don't feel like sleeping at all.

crap. schmrap.

El desperado

2009-01-11T22:54:00.001+08:00

drastic problems needs drastic measures.

so i finally made up my mind.

and no one can budge me from it.

2009-01-04T20:50:00.002+08:00

i know you think that i'm rushing into things, and maybe i am. But its hard to wait for so long, cause i'm scared that i will lose you. i have this thinking that maybe you're just too good to be true, that its all a dream.

so that sucks.

touch my body

2009-01-04T20:12:00.013+08:00

new year party madness. =]

Me and the boy.

All five of us.

partying hard

tryin to act cheeky yet failing.

in the toilet, trust me, toilets are the best to take pics.

the girls.

2009-01-03T22:27:00.002+08:00

This is way belated people, but still, happy new year. =]

It sucks having to work on new year's eve but then, a job like mine will surely have no regards for public holidays. Me and the boy managed to celebrate it together last minute since he was given the half day off. So we met up with my lovely cousin and her soon to be fiance. Me and my cousin are seriously the black sheeps in the family. unfortunately.

partying. countdown. hyperactive. spaghetti. chicken wings. boogeying. rocking/jamming. shouting. screaming. camwhoring. hugging. smiling. punching.

these are all random things that we do on that night of countdown. interesting huh.

pictures hopefully gonna be up soon.

p.s: i'm not gonna make any resolutions cause i suck at it. bleargh.

touched

2008-12-28T22:59:00.003+08:00

i have a thing about old people, especially the old makciks. Somehow they just managed to tug at my heartstrings, and i get weepy. Like seriously.

Like just now when i was working, i was chatting with this old woman whose husband is a patient in my ward. I was trying to make her feel better cause she's obviously upset about something, and i could see the tears in her eyes. Ain't that just heartbreaking. And so we chatted on and on. When it was time for her to go back, i reminded her to be careful on the road, when suddenly she grasped my hand and kissed me on my cheek, hugging me slightly. Needless to say, i got a bloody shock la but then there's this warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. hehe. She really made my day, knowing that somehow today, i made an impact on her. Vice versa.

She made me learn that no matter how tough or shitty my job is, how i complain and fervently wished that i was working somewhere else, at end of the day, the job is definately rewarding. All the hours slogging. Spit. Beat. Vulgar words from patients and familes. Been there done that. But then... there's also those familes/patients who say thanks to you so sincerely that it melts your heart. And it makes up for everything else.

ain't it funny how things works. =]

2008-12-25T02:22:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling so the bloody shagged. This is one of the many reasons that i hate working night. My hormones are all so messed up. Its either i'm too cranky or too hyper, which is not good at all for my colleagues.

i have an effing major crush on Edward Cullen. Like seriously. I wished that i have a boyfriend like him. Someone who is so protective over me, takes care of my every single needs even the littlest and stupid ones, someone who has a lot of passion in him for the both of us, someone who is so devastatingly dangerous.

oh don't get me wrong, i do love my boy.

but still, every girl deserves to have a crush every now and then. =]

2008-12-19T20:51:00.002+08:00

i have to admit that the book, twilight is a must read. In just a few hours, i'm obsessed about it. But the movie is a disappointment actually. It didn't do justice to how Edward and Bella fell in love. Seriously, i prefer books to movies.

i'm a friggin bookworm. =]

2008-12-16T22:28:00.002+08:00

its back to work for me today.

the last weekend was absolutely wonderful. 4 straight off days, ain't that just great. And it was spend quite meaningfully too.

Last saturday, i had the end of year annual gathering with ALL the family members. It was great. All the cousins came, with bfs/fiances/husbands/kids etc. The food, the ambience, the gossip, the people.. even tho it started to rain in the early morning while we were sleeping under the open sky, it still didnt damper our spirits.

And then the next day, i went for my company's dnd. The food was not exactly superb but everything else makes up for it. Pictures will be up later.

till then, i'm off to bed. =]

2008-12-12T16:25:00.003+08:00

i'm pissed off. i'm farking mad. i feel so upset that my heart just felt like bursting with rage. I'm so angry that my mouth can't form the words.

i fucking hate you.

rants and raves

2008-12-09T00:00:00.002+08:00

Everybody makes mistakes in their lives whether in work, social life or etc. Its part and parcel lof life. And that's the best way to learn. ain't that true?

then why do i still feel so insecure, especially at work. Sometimes when i reached home from work, i can't help but think whether there's anything that i left out, whether i should have done things differently or much better. What ifs.

I hate being paranoid and insecure. i feel like as if its a disease. Something that i can't get rid of.

But on the other hand, i'm also the type of person with a heck care attitude. i mean, if i had made a mistake or whatsoever, i will be damn upset for awhile and then go back to normal, cause i would think to myself to get over and done with feeling upset. That what has been done, is done.

My this attitude upsets some people like my bf who thinks that i should be more emotional, more aggressive and more drama.

for example:

Me: "oh shit, i lost my phone."
him: "ohmygod. where?? where you last saw it?"
me: "oh i dunno"
him: "lets search"
me: "forget it la, i'll get a new one or borrow one'
him: "can you please be more upset"

Damn it boy, i'm a girl, i know i should be more sensitive.

But its just that i really think things will be alright in the end.

ok bye, i'm crapping.

goddamnit

2008-12-07T16:06:00.002+08:00

Its confirm plus chop.

i am now certain that i'm allergic to seafood. After all those years of consuming seafoody food and only now i got the rashes spread out on my nose. I think its goddamn unfair, cause if you know me, you would know i love my food especially those clams, mussels, prawns and such.

and now i have to eat it once a while only.

fuckerneneh. i'm itching all over.

2008-12-06T23:04:00.002+08:00

Discipline.

i have none of that.

Fark you, bloody fats.

2008-12-05T17:29:00.001+08:00

i am a very ambitious girl.

i wish i could travel all around the world, thus that's the main reason i'm saving money for.

so , hongkong anyone? =]

2008-12-04T10:52:00.002+08:00

i'm missing out on a lot of things.

i wish i could reverse time.

oohtralala

2008-12-01T18:22:00.002+08:00

work, work and work.

its like a routine which i can't seem to break off. and now, my whole work schedule has been altered, and its a farking mess. Knowing me, most probably i will come for the wrong duty. And when i come home from work, i would be too shagged to do anything else.

Its definitely an understatement to say that my workload doesn't deserve the meagre pay that i'm getting now.

Speaking of pay, there's so many things that i need to do but i have absolutely nil discipline in saving money.

and i miss miss my sweetheart. =]

2008-11-28T11:04:00.002+08:00

Do you hear me,I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

-lucky ; jason mraz/colbie

killing me softly

2008-11-22T03:00:00.002+08:00

i am utterly utterly damn exhausted. i am not sure why but i can't seem to focus at work at night anymore.its as though my attention span has been reduced to half. i am contemplating even to jump into the nearest bed and have a good nap. trust me, that's no joking matter. And drinking extravagant amount of coffee doesn't help either. It just makes me feel sicker.

and i swear that once i've finished my night duty, i'll go home, climb into my inviting bed with its fluffy pillows and warm duvet, and sleep like there's no tomorrow.

till then, someone slap me hard pls.

plain old you

2008-11-21T10:27:00.003+08:00

i'm just head over heels crazily in love with you.

the way you are.

flawed

2008-11-18T10:51:00.002+08:00

i complain and whine a lot.
i am definitely a sore loser, I would want to win in everything i do, especially if we're having an arguement.
i get too emotional, so you'll get to see me cry, get angry etc in a matter of minutes.
and i love to bring up the past misdeeds that you've done.
and i think that i'm always right. Even when i'm wrong, i think i'm right.

my flaws are what makes me the person i am.
i'm trying to be the best that i can be, the best person for you.
and sometimes i become the psychotic gf, but i want you to know that i have your best interests at heart and amidst the shouting, crying and being totally stupid, i love you a lot.

and i'm not leaving you.

Thank god you're not leaving me. =]

take me seriously

2008-11-17T22:42:00.003+08:00

oho.

i've just changed the whole layout of the blog which means that the sizing of my pictures which i previously posted all have gone haywire, and i'm too knackered to even try to rearrange the pics. Just not worth the time.

THATS IT. i've gotta really stop shopping online cause its seriously causing an addiction. and even when i'm broke, somehow or rather, i still managed to purchase things online. Which is damn not good cause i'm broker than broke. mhm. i'm not sure that makes any sense.

anyhoo, anyone care to join me for some serious exercising?

i promise i will not go for buffet dinner or smtg after that.

like seriously.

2008-11-12T08:45:00.002+08:00

I went back to work yesterday after 9days of absence. And the first thing that people noticed about me was that i have grownn. And i don't mean taller, its more like wider. Which was expected since i've been doing nothing for the past 9days except to sleep and stuff my face with food.

and so i have made up a list, about changes that needs to be carried out. cause I have decided.... jeng jeng jeng... to start living a clean life. which translates that i would have to get rid of my bad habits eg. e nail biting, smoking, gassy drinks.. whatever that i can think of. Yes i know, that its too ambitious.. but still i'm trying.

So God, please help me.

2008-11-11T12:20:00.002+08:00

i'm starting work in an hour's time.

and i'm so dreading it.
i have been too comfortable doing nothing at all at home.

welcome back to life.

2008-11-08T17:13:00.001+08:00

i'm starting to freak myself out.
it seems like i have no control over myself.
my anger is so badly managed.

help.

2008-11-06T13:57:00.002+08:00

I'm bbbaaaaaccccckkkkkkkkkk.

e holiday trip with the bf and gummies was worth it. Every minute of it. Even when it rained for the two days that we were there, or when i fell sick, it was still damn great.

A break from the shiets of having to work and such.

i was working night the day before and my "girl" buddy,[who's actually a guy but i treat him like a girl cause he listens to my shits and i listen to his] keeps on chanting in my ear, 'KL! KL!. And he was keep telling me to finish my work quickly so that i wont miss my bus. yada yada. Thanks boy for the funny stories and making me laugh like one crazy woman in the middle of the night.

After my night shift, i had to rush all the way to lavender to catch the express bus to KL. With the luggages. And quite honestly, the lack of sleep and lack of food, makes me fell sick. i was mostly sneezing and sleepin in the bus trip.

in the cab on the way to lavender.

jason chua and gummy.

us.

We arrived in KL on time, after many many pit stops.

swiss garden hotel lobby.

our rooms. great service. great ambience. you should have seen our room after 2 hours of settling in, the whole room will be in a total mess.

the view in our room. sweet rite.

the girls.

i love this shop. with its food goodies.

the fish spa.

Me and gummy tried the fish spa for the first time ever. it was very squeamish at first, but after awhile, you'll get used to it. But.. gummy didnt really get used to it. hee. i was laughing my head off cause it was ticklish, especially when e fishes attach my sole. but she was just screaming and grabbing my arm. I still have the scratch marks to prove it. =]

We went to sungeiwang, petaling street, KLCC, berjaya times square etc etc. And wherever we went, we actually walked,which lessens my guilt of eating. And since our hotel was quite near to everywhere, there wasn't a need to use the cabs.

Even when we're done eating and shopping for the day, and settled in the hotel room for a rest, the most amazing thing is that we could still get hungry, then we'll send the boys down to get some food. wakaka. it was mostly a food galore.

e whole trip pass by so fast, and before we know it, we were on the way back to singapore. To reality. Luckily for me, i would still be on leave. i'm too lazy to post more pics. so just one last pic before i end.

KLCC. and no people, its not edited. its damn real.

toodles.
so macaroon, phuket next year?

2008-10-30T11:50:00.002+08:00

i'm two days late but who cares, here's to my 4th favourite boy in the world. =]

Like i said, words cannot describe how i feel about you.

Happy belated birthday sweetheart.

2008-10-27T20:56:00.001+08:00

its so amazing how things could happen so fast.

then off to deea's bday bash..

sweetness. =]

2008-10-23T20:00:00.002+08:00

i feel goodddddd.

cause i didnt have to go work. and i spent every minute doing absolutely nothing, just plain lazing around. i didnt even venture out of the house.. except for this one moment when i had a craving for ben&jerrys.

Then all came crashing down when i think of that unwritten memo that i have to submit to work. Its been 3 goddamn fweaking days.

sheesh.

2008-10-22T20:57:00.003+08:00

i am contented nowadays. cause i get to meet the people who i care about. =]

the sentosa outing.

nadiah farhanah.

nurulshafilah

this is what makes us calm and settled.

so we catch up. on lives, partners, ambitions, work and such. Its a known fact between us that we will meet once in every few months. At least we take the time out of our busy schedule, just to meet up.

Nad: Lets go Europe next year.

me: Hell yeah. It would be so fun

nad: [excited] yeah, lets do it in august then. We can do so many things bla bla bla.

[after counting the expenses.]

nad: lets just go to phuket.

me: i think so too.

so nadfarhanah, i'll be seeing you again next year in March k. Remember our plans!

=================================

a few days later, i get to meet my girls. though i was a few hours late.

ifah, raf, me, nad

the girls.

the girls and boys.

couples.

singless

smile.

eat galore

the lepak fest at shak's house

totally shagged out.

ok bye. i wanto sleep.

2008-10-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

hell, i'm deluded.

and much in need of retail therapy.

2008-10-18T11:17:00.003+08:00

Sometimes anger can get the better of you. It makes you react in a way which you normally won't do. Sometimes it will force you to make actions which later on, you will tend to suffer the consequences of it.

And when you're angry at the supposedly love of your life, you tend to think irrationally. Words have been said, things have been done. and i have no idea when will it all end. I wish someone would just slap me, mainly to stop making me act like a fool.

i wished i could take a step back and assess the damage that has been done, so that i know what will my next step be. But somehow my feet wouldn't move. So i'm stuck here, in the same position, over and over again. Its as though i'm reliving my nightmare over and over.

so just stop it. and leave me alone.

2008-10-05T08:26:00.001+08:00

the boy who makes me cry, laugh, smile, pissed and frown.
the one who has my heart in his hands. =]

2008-10-04T15:55:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt crappy, as though you're gonna fall sick and the world seems to be spinning around.

Well, i did. and it sucks. Last night when i was working my night shift, i felt so damn sick, my throat feels sore, my whole body aches and just the mere thought of lifting my arms makes it hurt. It felt like as though i'm having the flu. Which i think i was.

But thank god, now i feel so much better. Alhamdullilah.

So now let us pray for my grandma to get better.

2008-10-01T21:40:00.007+08:00

First day of raya.

i am now happily and safely secure in front of the comp. The first day of raya always makes me feel excited, seeing the relatives that i love, catching up with those that i barely see and making empty promises to keep on having regular meets up. you get the picture.

Speaking of pictures, here are some. =]

the best smiley pic. Faiz.

my family.

Me. Taufik-the one who could crack me up.

the best three.

sweetiepies.

my bitch.

my lovelies.

i can't wait for more outing raya.

cheerios.

2008-09-30T20:23:00.002+08:00

i am too tired.

i had one hell of a day working. In e end, i finished work late thus missing a very important talk given by the hospital, which equals to me having to go back to work on 2nd day of raye just to attend a half an hour talk. And what makes things crazy was that i had to go back home, then drove to sembawang to give my kuihs to my in-laws, then drove back to tampines. and now, i've just finished cleaning up. sheesh.

on a random note, i lurrve family dinners. One thing that i love about ramadhan is that it forces us family to have dinner together, each and every one of us, despite our hectic schedules.

selamat hari raya everybody. =]

2008-09-27T22:48:00.002+08:00

Someone once told me," I want a relationship that has brutal honesty, personal space, time for friends, and little acts of jealousy because we know that we can't stop from feeling jealous but we can stop ourselves from acting on it."

fortunately for me, after 2 years , i finally had that kind of relationship.

But unfortunately, i don't feel satisfied somehow and i can't figure out why. In total fairness, i am the one being completely shitty in this relationship. I'm like a stalker, keeping tabs on his daily activities, i even have his number on speed dial, and i'll constantly call him, just to irritate him. And i absolutely have no idea why the hell am i doing this.

i should be grateful that i have the kind of relationship that i've always wanted.

honestly, i think i'm confused. or just messed up.

2008-09-20T23:27:00.001+08:00

i'm out of breath.i'm out of passion.

i feel like there's nothing else that could perked me up.

zilch. nada.

suddenly, i felt blue.

2008-09-19T23:14:00.002+08:00

And when i need you,
you're almost here,
and i know that's not enough
and when i'm with you,
i'm close to tears cause you're only
almost here..

-almost here by delta goodrem n brian mcfadden.

i'm so loving this song at the moment.

sleepless nights

2008-09-14T00:06:00.002+08:00

these past few days, i havent been getting enough sleep. I think my body hormones and such are all messed up due to too much working, and less sleep. Not to mention that when i finally do fall asleep, i keep on dreaming some weird dreams.

on a brighter note, iftar with the lovely makciks was great. too much food, gossips and laughter. we meet once a month and still our friendship still stands. =]

yayness. do it again and again.

peace out.

missing you

2008-09-12T22:37:00.002+08:00

its sucky how our work schedules totally differ and clashes. its so hard for me to meet you. and i miss you so much that i keep on dreaming of you.

and so when just now, you suprised me by showing up at my work, totally unannounced, well equipped with goodies, you really made my day. =] i couldn't stop smiling. At that moment of time, only god knows how i felt.

when you held me in your arms, i wished that you would never let go. and like i said, its hard to part with you.

so please dear, meet me soon. Before i go bonkers. =]

love you.

H.A.T.E

2008-09-04T13:39:00.002+08:00

i hate having this sickening rashes. Sometimes it gets better then it gets worse. i swear i'm gonna go to the doctor if it doesnt get better tonight. haiz.

on the other hand, i'm coping better with fasting than i ever thought i could. which is a good thing.

Thank God.

2008-09-01T01:23:00.002+08:00

Today marks the starting of the fasting month. I don't know why but this year i feel extra excited and motivated to start fasting and celebrate rayer. Heh.

There's so many things planned. and i hope i could achieve all of it. Time flies by too fast. Sometimes it feel that there's not enough time to do everything. But as long as i'm with you, i'm all set to face the world, with battle gear.

=]

shalala.

2008-08-31T00:09:00.002+08:00

e bf just told me that he's able to take leave at the end of october. and i'm so excited. I could just imagine gummy squealing with happiness. cause she wants e four of us to go for our much awaited overseas trip so much.

i so so cant wait. =]

e bf said, "I know that no matter how angry you are at me, or what, you will still look for me. And i know that no matter how angry i am at you, i could never leave you." damn right mister.

2008-08-27T22:32:00.002+08:00

i hate being assigned to do projects. cause knowing my behaviour, i would keep postponing it till its so last minute that i have to rush it all out. And even when i know my behaviour is like this, i still will do the exact same thing. shit right.

and i'm like so haggard right now.

other than that, i'm just excited to go to the comex fair. =]

Shop till i drop

2008-08-25T17:11:00.002+08:00

somebody has to stop me. really.

i have this obsession with buying things online and it seems neverending. And it doesn't help that i keep seeing pretty pretty stuffs online.

Help.

=]

2008-08-22T04:24:00.002+08:00

i love your determimation and entusiasm. Which far exceeds mine. I love how i keep suggesting outing plans yet you're the one who gets excited in the end. I love how we planned to paint my room, yet you're the only one ended up painting the room while i do mundane stuff like, erm, falling asleep on my bed. I love how i get excited when we prepare to wash my car, and you're the only one who wash it, wipe it and make it gleaming white while i sat at the corner playing with your phone. I love how when we go to karaoke, you're the one belting out the songs while i take stupid pics, lying down on your lap.

all these little little things make me happy and you know it.

and you're wrong when you say that i only see your bad side cause your good side is glowing most of the time. =]

2008-08-20T16:55:00.002+08:00

I am loving this day.

Just sitting at home, watching dramas online. And its all thanks to gummy's fault. She's the one who introduced this seriously romantic comedy love story that i'm totally addicted to. I can barely sleep and eat properly. Watching the episodes over and over again has become my source of energy. Hah. and its definitely taking too much of my time.

i think so far, gummy has been a bad influence to me. those online shoppin. the online shows. haha. but i still love her a lot. she makes work more fun. We seriously need to plan an outing.

=]

2008-08-12T22:55:00.002+08:00

i have a love-hate relationship with work. I love working, how it makes me busy and keep me occupied. But i tend to dread going to work, because it makes me tired physically and mentally. But then sometimes, i find it truly meaningful to be working in this kind of job. And it doesnt hurt having your kakis with you when you work, it really does make work a little bit more bearable. =] And the main reason, i'm complaining about it here is that, unfortunately i would have non-stop work till my next off day which is in two weeks time. that sucks.

anyhoo, i tried something new with the bf today. ice skating. and its fun but it it will be more fun if i knew how to skate properly. The ice skating date was totally on impulse, and the stupidest thing is that we got lost, i stubbonly wanted things to go my way, and we ended up somewhere else.

Then he just had to say it, "can we go my way now?"

and we arrived at the place. Damnit. i hate it when he's right. which is almost all the time.

shit.

yayness

2008-08-10T22:13:00.002+08:00

e computer is finally fixed. yay!

i have been sleeping almost the whole day. Due to the heat rash that has spread from my neck to my eyes, i've been popping rashes pills. and its damn bloody drowsy. I so wouldnt want to go work tomorrow, just plain itching to scratch the face raw.

and i miss you la. its been a week.

i shall see you on tuesday. =]

a.d.d.i.c.t.e.d

2008-08-09T03:00:00.002+08:00

i am bloody hell addicted. to... online shopping. It seems like there's just too many clothes for me to choose and on the net, they all look damn good. So i just cant stop my fingers from clicking and clicking. and there goes my savings.

at least i'm happy. even though i'm on my way to being broke.

so cheers to that. =]

2008-08-07T02:09:00.002+08:00

i am so sick and tired of waiting for my uncle to repair my computer. He keeps on saying, "oh, today i'll fix it." i.ve been hearing so many of that. and its almost three weeks. The only great reason that i'm working night is that i could freely use the comp. heh.

its been soo damn fucking long time since i blogged, and i've just been itching to type.

I've just recently celebrated my 21st birthday, and it was undoubtedly great. Even thou it was just a small bash with my loved ones, it was still memorable. Not to mention fun like crazy. There was a little bit of drunkenness, too much of drama. Too much of laughter. And we so gonna do it again and again. Yayness!

and i want to say thank you for all the birthday wishes even though some were days late. you know who you are. [macaroon] hah. And thanks again for all those pretty pretty gifts.

especially thanks to you, muhd syakir, for just being in my life. I almost couldn't believe it when you gave me a second chance. I love the way you love me, in your quiet way. And even if you don't believe in PDA [public display affection], you still held my hands. and you're just sweet. Two years wasn't easy to come by. The moments. The disasters. Those mistakes. The sweetness. The love. And I love you, the way you are.

i love you for loving me, for who i am.

"bybybybybybyby"

n.d.p

2008-07-23T20:20:00.002+08:00

i am goddamn blardy happy.

cause my buddy got ndp tix for me. after much cajoling. and bribing. and pleading.

so here i come.*kallang waves*

things happen for a reason

2008-07-23T19:46:00.002+08:00

these past few weeks have been like a rollercoaster ride for me. Too many emotions swirling through my mind. And its draining me physically and mentally.

But i'm glad right now that things are settling down quite well.

sometimes when you make a decision, you have to stick by it. No matter what. But then you tend to doubt your decision every single day. Which is a very worrisome thing, cause you might never know what would happen if you had chose the other option. ohkay, things are complicated and confusing. But what i'm trying to say is that, i'm relieved that i made this decision.

Because in the end, things work out. for me and him.

On a much brighter side, my birthday coming next week and i absolutely do not have a definite plan. But i do wish for lots and lots of pressies.

two year anniversary date - its gonna be great honey. i promise. =]

L>O>V>E

2008-07-16T23:39:00.001+08:00

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a boy like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start

-fall for you

2008-07-16T03:51:00.000+08:00

Sejenak ku terdiam dan membisu
Membuatku lelah dan tanpa arah
Coba mengertilah coba pahamilah
Arti cinta sesungguhnya

Dan letakkan hatimu disini
Ku berjanji kau tak ‘kan kusakiti
Sejuk sepi sedang nampak hanya bintang
Hanya kaulah yang ku sayang

Ku latih kau terbang diatas awan
Agar kau tegar dan tak terkalahkan
Jadilah jagoan seperti yang ku inginkan
Agar dapat ku banggakan

Namun sikapmu kini telah berubah
Membuatku resah dan serba salah
Kau berdiam diri membuat nadiku berhenti
Katakanlah hei kekasih

2008-07-13T00:02:00.001+08:00

i logged in into my blog to actually unleash a whole load of stories.

but suddenly i have nothing to say.

Just to let everyone knows that i;m fine. since people have been calling me to ask what happen. hah. so i'll update soon.

gdnight world.

2008-06-27T14:23:00.002+08:00

We were as one
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart
Our love will never die, no!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause you know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

-always be my baby.

2008-06-21T01:29:00.002+08:00

Betrayal. That is one hell of a word.

i made mistakes. But this is one damn mistake that i truly shouldn't make. And yet i did. And so it ruin everything. I've lost everything. And it just sickens me.

It actually hurts so much. Felt like somebody tore out my heart and stomped all over it. What the hell happened to me. I've just lost someone who I promised to share my whole life with. SHare every single thing. ANd it went horribly wrong. i could never get it back.

and the worst part is, that i can't stop crying. Cause 2 years just went down the drain just like that. It wasn't easy to achieve that 2 years. All those memories. No matter how stupid, shitty or sweet. It all comes to mind.

i have never felt this way before and it sucks. and hurts.

too many tears. too many heartbreaks.

i don't want it all.

2008-06-04T03:21:00.002+08:00

i need to start saving money. Its actually quite depressing to be broke a few days after you get your pay. i seriously need help in financial matters.

Can someone please help me to be more discipline with money.

Dear wolverine,

i miss you. i kept comparing you to cyclops and that is damn bad. i wish that you're here. At least, you can make me laugh with your silliness and facial hair. =]

yours, jean grey.

DESIRES

2008-06-04T03:13:00.003+08:00

my list:

contact lenses
mango lumberjack shirt
the glittery GUESS watch
Black skinny pants
Lingerie
super high heels
That slinky black dress

2008-06-03T09:25:00.002+08:00

i love wolverine.

The fact is, hairy people just turns me on. Hah.

Jogging was so tak menjadi. I am such the procrastinator. I should really start living healthily.

ok bye.

my feet smells.