you're a mystery yourself
Dis is the moment which i was expecting after 4 yrs in dis crooked line.. i shouldnt be suprised dat it happens.. i shouldnt be heartbroken or hurt or sad... i should be numb to it since i already expected it.. but why must it happen durin e most happiest moments of my life?? Sometimes i lie in bed at nite n think, is dis God's way of punishin me? If it is, its a cruel thing to happen to me.. To have found love when u needed it, n to lost it afterwards is a cruel joke.. i have never feel so hopeless n defeated before.. Sometimes i thot of givin it all up but its not fair to me or to her.. i've neva love anyone else as much as i love her.. i know we cant be together till e end of life but we're not askin much.. All i wan is to treasure e moments dat i have wif her now.. She made me happy not like anyone else.. If i were to lose her, i'll lose everythin in my life..
And i pray to God to let me be wif her jus for awhile more... dats all i'm askin for.
&the beauty.
I looked away.
Den i looked back at u.
You try to say
the things dat u cant undo.
If i had my way,
I never get over u
Today's e day dat
i pray we make it thru.
Make it thru e fall,
Make it thru all.
And i dun wanna fall to pieces.
I jus want to sit n stare at u.
I dun want to talk abt it.
And i dun want a conversation.
I jus want to cry in fron of u.
I dun want to talk abt it
Coz i'm in love wif u.
&the beauty.
i'm sittin here in front of my comp not sure of wad to say or think. There's lots of emotions in my heart n i felt as tho i cant breathe at all. My eyes jus started crying for no reason n i wonder wad u're doing at dis time of the moment. Wad am i suppose to do or say? Why am i feeling dis way? Why am i jealous all e time? Am i a control freak? i guess i needed time alone to sort out my problem. Izz say dat i'm unreasonable n i know i am but when she say it, ouch it hurts. U are so sociable, u have so many frens n activities line up for u n u could go out anytime u wan but not me. I guess i'm jealous of dat. Coz in my life, mostly i have u, n if u're not there i felt as tho i'm alone in dis world. i guess i didnt feel like sharin u wif anyone else. dat is selfish of me n i admit it. N when u go out n have fun without me, i felt an anger n sadness inside me, as tho u dun need me like i need u.. dats why i had always wanted to make lots of frens, not bcoz i'm flirty or wad but so dat i wont feel e jealous thing dat i felt when u went out without me. i dunno how to explain it. I dunno how to explain anythin at all. i love u..
&the beauty.
Yesterday nite was okay i guess.. went to hakim's pitt den ina's chalet for awhile.. i thot dat it will be full of ppl but only a few ppl turn up.. me n naddy catch up on stuff dats been happenin in our life.. Nothing much happen. Then they all started drinkin at ina's chalet.. kecian dia had to drink mixed drink of vodka n red wine.. She was rollin over the grass.. Sorry to say dis but its kinda funny coz i neva seen anyone drunk.. haha.. i reach home ard 11pm, thanks to naddy's dad who sent me home by car.. anyway, happy birthday again Ina!
&the beauty.
damn it. How can i live without u for 20 days?! i had really wanted u not to go to Laos but i know u wanted to n i wan u to be happy. I seriously hope dat u will go n have fun.. but of coz i'll miss u.. i promise u i wont do anything stupid behind ur back.. i love u so much baby n wanna let u know dat i'll be supportive of u no matter wad... ...
&the beauty.
i seriously think from experience dat wateva u lie in e past will always come back n bite u in your freakin juicy flesh of your butt.. know why i think so??! coz i experience it ler... not once or twice... hee.. i neva learn my lesson.. so many things have happen n i cant keep lies anymore.. wad da toot~
&the beauty.
today is a heck of a day.. wad kind of phrase is dat?? anyway, i've been kinda hardworkin today.. or at least i planned to be hardworkin from now on.. i din even take my afternoon sleep wic is already quite good of me.. i did my project stuff n printed out some things... so yeah from now on i'm gonna do dis more often.. heh.. yeah ritez.. been eatin like a pig lately, actually more like every time... have to go swimmin every single day for at least a mth!!..
&the beauty.
its such a freakin boring day today.. woke up early from e weirdest dream eva.. i miss my baby but ..... haiz... i guess she's very pissed at me.. i dunno whether she have woken up or not.. she doesnt even msg me.. i miss her so much n kept thinkin of her last nite.. haiz.. gotta go n binge on ice cream..
&the beauty.
i'm such an unreasonable n petty person.. i keep hurting u over n over again. i dunno wad to do.. it seems dat wateva i do or say is wrong.. baby, u're not useless at all.. u make me happy all the time.. i cant live without u.. please forgive me, i really didnt mean to hurt u..
&the beauty.
my heart feel like as tho its been pierced by a knife when u say we should stop seeing each other for awhile. I almost cant believe dat u say it coz usually its me doing all e impulse thing. How can u think dat i would survive without seeing u? Without watching ur smile, ur eyes, e way u hold my hands, e way u kissed me, e way i lean on ur shoulder, e way u hug me? nothing else in dis world can measure up to dat.... how can u think dat way.. but i understand coz i'm e one who lied to u... its all my fault and i regret it... i wish i could turn back e hands of time..............
&the beauty.
i feel so sad... i love u so much and i dun eva wanna leave u..
i'm sorry i lied to u in e past but i'm not gonna lie anymore..
really.. i jus wished dat u could hug me n kiss all e pain away..
&the beauty.
sheesh... i'm now at skool having 4 hr break.. waiting for my baby to finish her class... Thanks dear for makin dis blog thingy for me.. its so blueee.. anyway, i been real busy to update my blog n my comp spoilt! hmph! i didnt get a freakin flower for V day but its okay coz my baby was there wif me n i loveee her so much. Thanks for everything.. And my fren dat irritatin crystal is so kaypoh... hee.. she's sitting beside me callin me a pig.. wad da fish! and crystal.. please stop snorting into my ear... hakhak... -gehein flame came out-.. dats all for now.. toodles~
&the beauty.
her PC is down so she will not update till further notice..
-= i love ya bby =- hehee..
&the beauty.
