you're a mystery yourself
meet-the-parents session part two.
it was erm, exhilariting. hah.
puas hati ar.
&the beauty.
a love so deep could disappoint you.
i have been through that. Recently, like a stalker, i have been reading this girl's blog and how she was gushing about her love towards a certain someone. and it feels like deja vu. Because i know that certain someone and that certain someone had confided in me about how she feels suffocated by the deep love that the girl have towards her.
Sometimes when you love someone so much and you thought that the relationship is perfect and that you're gonna live happily ever after, it always doesnt turn out perfect. In fact, along the way it will disappoint you and shatter your heart. And when you thought your love is sufficient enough to save the relationship, it isnt.
And so, i pity that girl. Because i know that certain someone too well.
&the beauty.
its funny how when i was with her, i keep on counting days towards my anniversary and yet when i'm with him, i kept forgetting about it until two days after. And there i was, riding on his bike, when i realise that we missed the date. So i screamed happy anniversary in his ear amidst the whining of the wind and the traffic.
him: "fcuk you. how could you have forgotten our anniversary?"
me : "Well, you had forgotten too."
him: "oh yeah. happy anni syg."
things like this makes the relationship less pressurized. really.
&the beauty.
Namun aku bingung
ketika dia bilang cinta
dan dia juga katakan
ku ingin jadi kekasihmu
Cukuplah saja berteman denganku
janganlah kau meminta lebih
ku tak mungkin mencintaimu
kita teman saja
teman tapi mesra
aku memang suka pada dirimu
namun aku ada yang punya
Lebih baik kita berteman saja
teman tapi mesra
-ratu. teman tapi mesra.
&the beauty.
a day of gathering.
WHere i meet all my relatives who i havent met for so goddamn long time. and talked and talked and talked. Where i get to doll up with makeup and be real feminine with the pearl necklace, the lacy baju kebaya, the pointed shoes, the ladylike handbag. And i get to take photos and be a camwhore for the day. I even get to stuff my face with all kinds of goodies and gassy drinks. aint it just great.
p.s: do NOT forget those green packets. those green packets made my day. woohoo.
&the beauty.
its hari raya tomorrow. but it doesnt feel like it. and every single year, i celebrate it with different partners.
and forever is not in my mind anymore.
&the beauty.
the bike is a pain in the ass. literally. my ass has been sitting on that bike for more than an hour as we cruised along the expressway trying to find a way out. We were lost, goddammnit. And it was kinda irritating how he turn to me every five minutes and ask, "how?", when in actual truth, he should be the one more experienced in this. And so I got us out of the mess, pointing directions to him while clutching my roses. yes people, he finally bought it for me. cheapskate guy. Hah.
i still love him tho.
p.s: i miss macaroon.
&the beauty.
THE bike.
i had wanted to be the first person to ride his bike. But i was beaten by fauzee. Then i wanted to be the first woman to ride his bike. But his mother came first. So i settled on being the first girlfriend to ride his bike. But this doesnt mean that there might be another gf after me.
anyway.
he had a nasty fall the day before, trying not to crash into this stupid ah pek who jaywalks. and i didnt realise it was kinda bad until i met him just now. The cut was deep and it made matters worse when i kept bumping into his wounded arm, knowing how clumsy i am. At least i'm there to bring him joy and happiness. Well, the whole day was spent exploring on his bike. Just me and him. Shouting to each other with hoarse voices at the expressway. He almost hit the curb and i kept clutching at his shirt. But after 4 places we've been through, i have confidence in him. Despite the fact that he speed up like a maniac and jerk the bike just to make me utter a vulgar word. So far, its been more than ten words.
Basically, we went to alot of places since transport was made easier. We eat and drank like nobody's business. We laugh and joke like its only the two of us. and its one hell of a fun day.
and yeah, we do need to get ponchos soon.
&the beauty.
its another new day tomorrow in a brand new week.
She called me the other day saying that she is going to start school tomorrow. And eventho next week is my only week, i still dreaded seeing her around school. Because no matter how i've gotten over her, i havent forgotten those memories whenever i see her face. or see a place. or hear a song. I still am not able to forget those promises. Those words of never ending love. Those fantasies of happy ending. Those bitter fights, tears and anguish. We had talked as per normal and i dont really miss her as much as i used to but its has been 3 months since we last really see each other, talked and laughed. and again, as i thought about her with our song in the background, i will wonder again what went wrong.
Well, moving on. He has finally got his bike and i'm amused at how happy he is. But of course i am happy for him. He had promised me that i would be the first to see his bike and yet countless has seen his bike. dang. knowing him as the arrogant show off darling ass of mine, i dont really mind. A little bit anyway. But as liza said, at least i will be the only one riding it most of the time.
better be.
&the beauty.
i'm a sap sap sappy person. i'm such a sucker for romantic movies, lovey dovey scenes and happy endings. And korean movies have just that for me.
and i cant stop obsessing over it.
&the beauty.
i cant wait for tomorrow.
i wanna go jb and do my hair. ANd i want to take lots of pics. i also want to get a pair of shoes for myself. and then i want to meet him and spend time with him. and i need to buy books and study for my exam which is in two weeks time. and I cant wait for raya to come. Whee.
Five random facts about me:
1) i have mild thoracic scoliosis.
2) I drool extravagantly when i sleep.
3) I love to daydream when in buses.
4) I have dropped my hp 632876384 times since i bought it.
5) oh yeah, i look like cina bukit.
&the beauty.
bored. bored. bored.
somebody, please call me up and ask me out.
pretty please.
&the beauty.
i can either be a good detective or a crazy stalker.
Unknowingly, i stumbled upon her and her gf's blogs. and it is kinda interesting, meaning that she lied to me that she has deleted her blog when in actual fact she still has one. Actually same like me anyway. I dont care whether she lies to me or not Because she just doesnt play a part in my life. Whether she's happy or not, i also dont care because i want to be selfish for my own happiness. And right now, even if she were to come back to me, i wouldnt want to. She just doesnt change. I wished that she stopped lying to her gf and treat her better but i guess its too much to ask for. I'm sorry to say this but as much as i thought of her as the love of my life, i'm glad that she's out of it. Because when she was in my life, i felt as though the weight of the world was on my shoulders and that i have to sovle every problem that she has. And i dont wish to lie to him and lose him because of her. Its not worth it.
and now with him, its oh so different. Its not the difference of gender, its more about the person itself. =]
&the beauty.
For him.
Underneath your clothes
there's an endless story
There's the man i chose
that's my territory
All the things i deserve
for being such a good girl
Cause of you
i forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you
i'm running out of
reasons to cry
When the friends are gone
When the party's over
We will still belong
to each other
&the beauty.
mental health project is finally over and i am so thankful for that. I AM NEVER ever gonna do a last minute project again. The stress could have killed me. Those sleepless nights. and i had group meetings almost everyday. But its almost over people. I just have to complete my exams, attachment and voila december, here we come.
"i'm so tired being here
suppressed by all my childish fears
if you have to leave
i wished that you would just leave
cause your presence still lingers here
and it wont leave me alone.
you used to captivate me
by your reasonating light
now i'm bound by the life you left behind.
your face it haunts,
my once pleasant dreams.
your voice it chased away,
all the sanity in me."
-my all time favourite song. my immortal.
&the beauty.
my eyebrows are throbing. And red. and it stings when in contact with water.Besides that, everything is fine and dandy.
i had a great time just now. Movie date. Popcorn. Food. Makeup. Jokes. Laughter. Arsholic behaviour. And You.
Just makes it oh so perfect.
&the beauty.
projects. deadlines. exams.
those three words have just managed to turn my life topsy turvy and messed it up. Making me one hell of a disorganized person, not to mention that it has stop me from having a social life. Not that i have one.
But anyhoo, i miss spending time with THAT guy and hearing him lecturing me about the need for me to constantly stay at home. hah. I miss going out late at night till wee hours and just having fun. I miss getting drunk. I miss doing my traditional cowboy dance. He would slap my legs if he knew my legs were itchy to boogey.
This is what married life seems to be. AT least to me.
&the beauty.
dee's gf commented on how i seem to be a wonderwoman, tolerating shittified behaviour from dee. On how i managed to stay on a year plus of relationship with mr dee-aggressive. Well honey, its all about being blind. Love is blind.
my advice for her gf is, if you wanna stay long with her, better start taking notes cause damn sure, you'll need it in the future.
&the beauty.
its the time of the month again. and its making me sick and cranky. every single time. i'm bending over in double just to stop my stomach from cramping. and yeah i dont have twins in my womb. Bummer to that. Not that i'm really asking from it. Pardon me.
i'm in school diligently trying to get my projects and last minute stuff done. Yet i dont see ANY of my group members around, so here i am blogging first to pass the time. I am quite proud of myself actually. I can't remember the last time that i was this enthusiastic about group meetings and such but afterall it is my final year.
i miss him. i wished he would hurry up and get his bike. so that he can jus Vrroom vroom to me anytime i want. =]
&the beauty.
when the night has come
and the land is dark
and the moon is the only light we'll see
No i wont be afraid
No i wont be afraid
just as long as you stand,
stand by me
&the beauty.
i am currently,
blasting songs through my computer while trying to boogey to the song. and also going around the room picking up stray clothes on the floor.
i am trying desperately
to be hardworking so that i can start studying, doing my project or just doing something substantial. and to resist the temptation of jumping into my bed and conking out.
i'll just try harder.
p.s: girls - when are we gonna buka out? and in case u're wondering, i am fasting.
&the beauty.
okay now i'm actually starting to get worried.
i have 3 presentations due within a week. a pract test that i had to go through which i didnt even pay attention in class. a theory test that i need to pass. and still i am slacking at home not doing anything substantial.
like what my uncle would say, i is so damn pissed.
&the beauty.
