you're a mystery yourself

Monday, May 14, 2007

7:09 PM

Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?
I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
I guess I'm a little bit shy
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me without making me try?

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you walk out the door!

grace kelly - mika.

-i lurve this song to bits. makes me feel like swaying my head from left to right.

&the beauty.

1:31 PM

hello world.

sometimes i think that i'm so slumber that whatever bad things befall me, it wont faze me and i'll take it in my stride. and so what happen was, me and him went to sentosa two days ago. And amidst all those ball kicking-tanning, more like burning-gambling-sleeping-swimming, i managed to lose my hp. And dont ask me how, cause i sure dont remember. So when i lose the hp, i wasnt really worried abt it.

then he got furious at me for not getting upset over losing MY phone. waddehell rite. hah.

hitam manis, hitam manis
yang hitam manis
pandang tak jemu.

ok bye. i'm off to doing some helluva spring cleaning.

&the beauty.

3:31 PM

i'm moping around the house with nothing to do. and it can get quite depressing and lonely. and fattening too. and again for the umpteenth time, i wished that i had a hobby.

so ppl. pls ask me out.

&the beauty.

5:19 AM

Friendships reign supreme over relatonships.
So how could i get it mixed up.

i had my priorities all wrong.

&the beauty.

6:22 PM

yesterday went horribly wrong in a good way.

i had it all planned. in e end it didnt turn out the way i thought it would be. but hey i'm not complaining. In fact i'm still basking in my happiness.

random thoughts :

St james powerhouse was such a letdown.
Cheekys was much much better.
The travelling to and fro was mind spinning.
Spending the night with him was absolutely worth it.
the mac food in the wee morning was much awaited for.
Waking up beside him was sweet.
he's ultra mean when being woken up.
once he starts, he cant stop.

i love you. and you love me. the world doesnt matter xcept for the two of us.

&the beauty.

10:17 AM

its finished. the whole shebang. the prcp, the poly life, the numerous attachments. Its really over.

And now when i looked back, i'm proud of myself for managing to make it work during this last mindblowing attachment. Hah. The countless times that i had wanted to take mc but couldnt really bring myself to do it. And i did my work. I tried my best not to shirk my responsibilities, to go off smoking in the staff toilet or to take extra hours of break or to go skiving. It just wasnt possible anymore. And during my last day, i got sentimental thinking of having to leave a ward that i had grew to love no matter how political it was. The jokes. the funny moments. the ohmygod-dis-is-f**king-irritating moments. the staff there. hey, i even got chummy with the cleaners okay. they would clean my beds extra clean. =]

and when i was leaving out of the ward, imma turn back to me and said something. which i would never forget.

she said. "6 weeks without mc. i am so proud of u."

me too.

But one thing saddens me and its the fact that nad's not there to go through this with me. We had plans. Plans of us doing night shift together and that prcp would be a much better place to work at when we have each other. And that we would graduate together. We would go overseas together.

remember this?

in 20 years to come, we fantasized that nad will be the nurse manager and i will be the nurse clinician. We will be sisters of the ward and it will be great. In our office, we planned to have a tiny fridge to keep our drinks and such. We will have multiple piercings and blonde hair yet no one dare to stop us since we are damn good in our work. Students will be crowding around us and they could smell our cigarette smells. Well, we'll just keep on popping mentos into our mouth. We'll pick on anybody who we dont like. Hah, and we can for long hours of break if we want to. Unless we have a meeting with the Director of Nursing, yan yan. We'll even ask Brother Afiq to join us for ciggie time under the void deck. Just imagine brother and sisters smoking under the void deck or carpark for that matter, it just cracks us up every single time. Night duty, we will take out the bourbon bottle and pour us drinks and talk crap in the middle of the night. And then we will think back and reflect on our student days.

But she was not there.

and i miss those days. miss her.

But she's still not here.

&the beauty.

10:35 AM

i woke up early in the morning to an empty house and the first thing i did was to roll out of my bed, switch on the computer, grab my bag of famous amos cookies and ice cold water and plopped myself down in front of the computer, just plain surfing through the net.

and that people, i've just proved that i have no social life.

p.s: i miss him. the mos, dbl o, dam, orange sweater with the smelly armpits.

&the beauty.